Sharp-Tongued MOM

the flaw in the system is human error

2011-11-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

Saw this juicy little tidbit floating around the interwebs today.
An article 'exposing' what can only be described as a piss poor judgement call by someone operating a store marketing teens and children.
Crotchless panties.
yep.
To the best of my knowledge, the name of the store is not a chain with marketing executives, and a team of store planners who agreed such products are acceptable for that particular demographic.
Bad call on managements part, and from what I can see it was dealt with immediately by mall, and store management.
Not necessarily something that I consider headline news, a bit sensationalized...

Girls get sexed up by advertising FAR too young, but I don't think that was the case here.

I totally am disgusted at the thought that someone thought it was appropriate, yes.

I doubt they were made to accommodate pre-teens, as skinny chicks need lingerie too (PLENTY of adult women are tiny enough to need sizes my 5 year old could easily wear)

Most importantly, I think it should be a wake up call for parents about WHY they need to keep an eye on their kids.

Dumb-asses exist everywhere you go. Kids are sneaky. Bad combination.

I remember the first time I bought a thong. I was probably fifteen. Started dating an older boy who I HAD to impress, started wearing God awful tight black dress pants and didn't want panty-line showing.

Had to sneak the sucker into the house. I remember being at superstore with my mom, and pretended one of the sandals my mom had just bought me was broken, and ran in to exchange it while she was packing groceries into the trunk. I had seen a tacky red pair of super slutty red devil ones in a clearance bin after valentines day for like, 88 cents.

I didn't get to wander the mall alone even at that age, and if I did, I sure as shit didn't have money for anything. I had to be sneaky, with a capital S.

I even had to start doing my own laundry to hide it.

Sure, not long after that, I gave up the V-card and had to sneak uptown on my lunch break to buy my trashy panties with money my working boyfriend gave me (yep, small podunk town) to the same discount bin store the Hutterites bought their yarn and thread from.

I highly doubt that a pre-teen seeing something like that would be influenced to do something they weren't already thinking of doing, and trust me, you don't have to have trashy panties to find a willing partner to do things you probably shouldn't be doing.

Take it from a sneaky little shit who has been there.

So, yes, it was highly inappropriate of the store to carry them.
However, we all have to remember that talking to your kids about making smart decisions, is a FAR better use of your time than flagging down the media to remind the world yet again, that people are stupid and will go to any lengths to make a dollar, regardless of morals or common sense.

A fresh start Part 2

2011-11-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

Today, I feel like I could take over the world.

I danced in my car like nobody was watching, belting out songs at the top of my lungs. I admired the beautiful blue sky above the golden fields, and the silhouettes of the baron trees.

A new dawn, a new day....

(it will make more sense if you read part 1)

I was out on my Tuesday movie run after a pretty great weekend.

After putting on a monumental FREE community Halloween party for the fourth year in a row, this time with over 120 people in attendance, (first year was 40 at best)

and knocking 'em dead with my awesome family Halloween costumes and seeing peoples faces light up while my awesome little family toddled down the street

I am still glowing with pride from being presented with an award from the Mayor for my community involvement, I was feeling pretty good.

..............now back to my day.

I was on my way to deliver a bunch of necklaces I had made as fundraisers for the 'Movember' movement, despite my very outgoing hatred for mustaches (yes, ask my redhead husband how many times I fought him growing his incredibly creepy facial hair in the past few years with threats of sex withholding, wearing drawn on mustaches to bed hoping to disgust him, and threatening application of wax strips while he slept)

Now I hope all you Movember boys remember that this is more than fun and games, you also need promise along with your fundraising that you WILL have your doctor put his finger in your bum to check for cancer once you reach the age of 40, or sooner if you are at high risk. (this is where the revenge for putting up with cactus face kisses comes in)

However, it is a great cause, and as I plan to participate again in the underwear affair 10km run, have had many family members who have fought prostate cancers, and being madly in love with a man who I would be lost without, I think it is well worth supporting.

First stop was D'lish Urban Kitchen and Wine Bar (my fave girls night out spot) to drop of some for silent auction prizes for the MoSistas , and Ryan Jesperson of BT Edmonton , and then to swing by Sonic Radio to drop off a couple for Layne Mitchell. Then inadvertently while grabbing some beer from the Alley Kat Brewery (because who doesn't love local craft brewers???) I happened to notice a Movember collection box there too, so I left two more with them to sell/auction or whatever they please!

I have already raised $110 towards Layne's page, and with auction donations to my other MO brothers and sisters, should reach over $150 more!

It felt good to give. Especially to support amazing people, who make a difference in my life, as well as others. Amanda from the MoSistas, the FIERCE woman of the year 2011 who has built her empire by genuinely wanting to help others and the local economy. Ryan who may not have the freedom on air to showcase what an amazing advocate he is for the city of #yeg, but for so many of the other great causes he shines his light on with great wit and charm. For Layne who always makes me feel like I am on a road trip with a good friend through his humor and musical taste when I need a bit of comic relief to prevent full on road rage meltdown in traffic, and has become a icon for the cheezy 'staches of the city over the past few years.

Giving is receiving. Whether you call it Karma, or believe in a divine plan from the universe, or God, when you are a great person, and do your best to be there for everyone you can, like minded good people will always enter your life through connections made out of kindness.

I realise more and more every day that the beauty of a photograph speaks volumes to how your perspective, or focus on certain things can create a thing of beauty in any situation.

I am embracing the change in my life, and shifting my focus to finding ways to incorporate the helping out in my community that gives me that feeling of fulfillment. I truly believe that it will bring me great things, opportunities and friendships that will in turn make my struggle to keep afloat financially easier to bear. My ability to keep perspective on what matters, like spending time with my family, and seeing the beauty that surrounds me instead of dreaming of green grass beyond someone else's fence.

To top it all off, I may have found a way to save my store, by moving into a smaller space that would allow me to work less, profit more, and still be able to enjoy my life and keep jobs available for the staff that are more like a family to me than employees.

My outlook today is great, and I can feel it shining through. I even think some guy checked me out, and whistled at me. (and thanks to the cup of coffee from the lovely Amanda, and the great tunes on Sonic blasting on the radio, I had the alertness and quick reflex to look over my shoulder, wink, and flash a cheezy smile underneath one of my great Movember mustache necklaces)

Until then, I will keep rocking out in my car, and swaggering my steps, getting back on track physically, emotionally and all across my schedule of responsibilities.

And yes honey, this means you have the green light to start growing your disgusting face pubes.

a fresh start part 1

2011-11-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

The last two months have been a rollercoaster. I have come to the conclusion, that running my store doesn't make me happy. I have known this for a while, but being able to have my kids with me, instead of in childcare has kept me going, despite my distaste for having a job. It got to the point where the kids want a life outside of the shop, and I feel cruel keeping them here all day, while their friends play at the park.
I decided to try to sell the business.
As the demise of the major video rental chains has hit headlines, it makes it hard to sell the business, even though it IS viable. (and if you read up, you would see the demand IS still there, but the US economy where they franchises are based from caused a chain reaction here)
We sort of decided that regardless, we were done. The amount of money the store makes is not really proportionate to what I feel I am losing in happiness.
With that said, here is what happened.
We put up a few online ads, and got a bite. We had even agreed to finance the buyer as we really just wanted to be done with it.
I felt so free. I was so in love with the thought of being able to have more time to do the things I enjoy, like volunteering, taking pictures, making jewelry....
Unfortunately, I counted my chickens before they hatched.
I learned the hard way, why no matter how sure someones word is, that contracts, and Realtors exist for a reason. Their plans fell through on their end, and they were unable to complete the purchase. Only I had already given up my lease, and now had under 2 months to come up with a plan.
I fell into the worst funk I had been in. I had not felt like this since I had a short spell of PPD after a miscarriage, and it terrified me to feel the way I did. I function on very little sleep, mostly because my brain doesn't shut up. I did nothing but sleep for a week.
My family has a combined lower average income. We manage because we live fairly low key, but to take a loss, on debt we have from purchasing the business meant some serious financial issues for us for the next few years. I cried, and cried when nobody was looking. I felt like I had failed my family.
All at the same time, it seemed like everyone else around me was facing major upheaval in their lives too. Many friends relationships reached the breaking point of realization that it will be hard, but sometimes there is happiness beyond what is comfortable and safe. It really seemed like the month of new beginnings, and facing the elephants in the room, regardless of how painful it may be.
I started to see the silver lining.
I realized that even though it is not HOW I wanted it to happen, it was still many blessings in disguise. I would still gain my freedom, as long as I could make an honest go of starting my jewelry business for real, not just as a hobby. Now, I sort of consign it through my consignment clothing portion of the store (sounds confusing, but with my high lease, I split the store into two businesses to help pay the rent, and operate consignment out of the other half) but not having to worry so much about the store would leave me the time to really focus on making a living off something I genuinely enjoy doing.
I accepted that although we would lose a tonne of money closing down, since the kids would be in school full time in a couple years, I would be able to work to pay it back then, and it really wasn't that far away.
Still, once the 'for lease' sign went in the building's window, it pains me, as well as many of my customers to think there may not be a video store, when this one has been in operation for 17 plus years.
I had sort of accepted defeat, but was afraid to tell people what was going on, partially because I was embarrassed to fail, but also because I didn't quite believe it was over.
We have been getting busier every weekend, and since blockbuster closed, there is no movie store at all in the nearest city to our small commuter town, so the residents who normally gave their business to the big guys because it was close to their work, are now coming back to us!
I was so conflicting to think of closing when I was seeing an increase like that.
I sold off a lot of my shelving and fixtures, but keeping in mind that I would hang on to enough to furnish a small store if I was lucky enough to find a new small location, buyer, or in the worst case scenario, donate the assets to a non profit who might want to run a small store elsewhere and at least get a tax receipt to soften the financial blow.
I did a lot of soul searching, and tried very hard to figure out what it is I really want to do with my life, but this time keeping MY heart in mind, instead of what just made the most sense financially. I love that my kids have benefitted from my decision to buy a business that allowed me to raise them by my side, but what good is that if I am not happy doing it? I cant let my own happiness slip to the point of poor example for my kids.
My house is an embarrassing mess. I have gained about 15lbs because I drown my sorrows in beer and crap food. My weight gain has flared up my sciatica, which just gives me one more reason to not put in the effort to get back in shape.
I also had a bit of a health scare when a lump was discovered on my thyroid and I not only had to worry about what it might be, or what it might be causing my body to do, but as a huge needle phobic, it meant going through a procedure that to me is more traumatic than the pain of labor. (I did get through it with the amazing compassion and patience of the outpatient staff at the Grey Nuns, and results were actually that it is a harmless cyst)
I need a fresh start. I need a better outlook, and I think today is the day.

carry on to part 2?

its all in how you tell the story (part 2)

2011-09-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

(it took me a while to get part 2 up, part 1 I posted a couple weeks ago)

I knew Vegas wasnt my thing from the moment I lost 50 cents in the tampon machine in the bathroom at the wax museum.

I have never dreamed of Vegas. I don't gamble, and am sort of a poopy-pants about the whole 24-7 bright lights wasting electricity too. I have fun pretty much everywhere I go. While wandering down the street with a glass of scotch in my hand totally appeals, I can do the same thing on a hiking trail if I really want to, and then I can jump into a mud pit, or run naked through a forest without having to worry about ending up on some creepy website.

When our plane was getting ready to land for my first time in the infamous city, and we were flying over the stunning red desert mountains, I actually remember thinking 'WOW, I could wander around out there for months without ever having to talk to anyone.'

I hear the stories, and have to wonder how many people really are just playing it up, making it sound like they had some scandalous rock star encounter or movie plot adventure while saying ''what happens in Vegas...". Personally, I call bullshit on most of you, but I can definitely see how people seem to be on a mission to do something stupid just because they are in 'Sin City'.

Doing stupid things when I drink is bound to happen, I would just rather it happened out of spontaneity instead of obligation.

I felt like everyone was either trying to sell me something, or have sex with me. Everyone was offering VIP guest list status, (only an elite select few get those invites, right?) or handing you drinks hoping I will get wasted and forget what the wedding ring on my finger means.

I actually at one point announced to an entire bachelor party in the middle of the pool that I had the 'period of death' and was not interested in having sex with any of them. They STILL continued to buy me beer and tell me which rooms they were staying in.

I don't gamble, I am way too cheap. I had saved up about $6 in random US change that I got mixed in with change from work, and intended to waste that a penny at a time. I put in about $3 in a penny machine and cashed out at $1.78 and bought a chocolate bar with the rest because I couldn't stand to lose anymore.

I had lots of fun, I always do everywhere I go. Whether it be clubs in Banff, or laughing like a dumb-ass driving through the McDonald's drive through with no pants on. I am sure I could have easily found some skinny girls at a pool party to snort drugs with before sleeping with strangers using fake names...but it isn't really my thing, and I think I could have just as much fun in Banff with my best friend minus the drugs/STD's.

Dont get me wrong, I can throw back shots with the best of 'em, and love to dance all night til my ears are ringing in the morning, but I could do that anywhere. I love going on vacation and seeing new places, I just think the amount of hype is totally over the top.

I drank from the moment I woke up, to the time I fell asleep, so much to the point where we realized we hadn't eaten a meal in two days, when one of us 'poo-ed clear'. I dressed to the nines, walked around in ridiculously high heels, got caught in a flash flood rain and hailstorm where we had to take shelter in a creepy underground parkade, where we played with unattended fork-lifts and pylons until a nice Cuban cab driver saw us calling for help and rescued us. I tackled a hobo panhandler dressed in a Garfield costume, and knocked his head right off. I went puddle jumping in a white dress outside the venetian (because not many people even SEE a puddle in the desert, let alone get to jump in one). I didn't sleep for over 24 hours, and had my Sin City Brewery beer buzz on pretty much the entire time. I also somehow hurt my ankle enough that I had to go for x-rays when I got home.

I also went to bed at 10:00 one night because I didn't have to worry about kids waking me up, and ate dinner at Chili's off the strip because I didn't feel like going dancing after walking around drunk all day.

I had a blast, but I didn't feel obligated to do anything stupid, or come home with awesome stories. I didn't have to wipe anyone's ass but my own, tell anyone to stop touching the cat's eyeballs, or really yell at anyone. It was nice, and I am glad neither my best friend or I got into that mission to do something crazy. We laugh til it hurts everywhere we go, and had nothing to prove.

But its true. Kidnapping my best friend at 2am and dragging her to Vegas, pulling all night-ers, getting keys to the VIP, tackling hobos, stealing a fork-lift, getting rescued by a big black guy and not remembering how I injured my ankle does make for a pretty good story, right? Its all in how you tell the story!

put your money where your mouth is!

2011-09-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

I might not be a business tycoon, or have much of an education, but I try my hardest everyday to make a difference, and give it 110%. The things I do to make sure my kids, friends, family and community are aware how much they mean to me. I may not move mountains, but at the end of the day I know I gave it my all.

This is something I am proud of, and as a woman, and a mother, I have accepted that nobody is going to throw a parade or make a national holiday for me, and that the effort needs to continue regardless of applause.

Last year I was nominated for a FIERCE award. I was so excited to know that someone thought that I made a difference. That MY accomplishments were worth celebrating.

I felt like a Hollywood superstar. I felt so proud, I wore a red dress, and felt like a million bucks. I didn't care whether I won, just to be counted amongst the ranks of people I personally admire at such an event was the best motivation to keep doing my best every day.

FIERCE is the amazing brainchild of Tamara Plant, the mastermind behind MOM Magazine. I cant tell you enough just how important it is for women to have a common ground to connect and network without having to feel like they need degrees and billion dollar bank accounts to make a difference in the world. It truly is a real community of empowerment. I have met so many amazing people, and opened so many doors through FIERCE events and networking.

I will never forget the way I felt the day I found out I was nominated, or the day I stood among such amazing women in my killer red dress.

I really encourage EVERYONE to nominate that woman in their life who inspires them. Make someones day, and let them know that they make a difference. Go, NOW!

AND please make sure to spread the word. Do you have a favorite company you would like to see sponsor and represent the significance of these inspirational ladies? let them know! Sponsorship is important, and what better than knowing your favorite brand or company supports something that means a lot to you? just sayin'!

its all in how you tell the story (part1)

2011-09-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

My best friend and I have talked about taking a trip together since we were kids.
It seems every time we try, something comes up.
We have been friends since we met in church choir when we were in grade 7. (yes, I said it, church. NO, I didn't burst into flames as my mom says I should)
We have been through a lot together, and have gotten to that irritating point where we have so many inside jokes, and can pretty well finish each other's sentences. Our husbands cant stand hanging out with us because we are like once conjoined twins who have created or own strange language. We have, and could have gut busting fun in the middle of a farmers field.
We decided Vegas, both because it was the cheapest option, and we would be able to wander around with drinks in our hands without being worried someone would kidnap us and harvest our organs for the black market.
Of course, after 2 years of waiting for one of their properties to sell, it would happen on the weekend we were planning to go, meaning she would have to stay home to move.
We were bummed. SOOOO close.
A couple hours after we accepted our disappointment, her husband called me saying he would arrange help moving, and I should go ahead, and book the trip to surprise her.
So, I did, and told her I would be coming to help her move.
Lets just say, I SUCK at keeping secrets. Especially if I am drinking. I had to cut off virtually all conversation with my best friend for a couple weeks, other than to keep up with the story.
She actually called me the night before when I sent the kids off to grandmas for the weekend and started drinking beer with my husband and I was sweating buckets knowing I had to keep my big yap shut.
I did it. I managed to make it to her house, not get too wasted to drive to the airport, I actually had to fake drink, and spit out wine when she wasn't looking so she wouldn't get suspicious. Even though her husband almost let it slip when he asked me if I had been 'pre-tanning' (apparently I was really dark?) I managed to keep it a secret til she went to bed.
I let her sleep for about an hour, then I snuck into her room, jumped on her bed and told her to pack her shit, we were going to Vegas.
her response?
'But I'm drunk, and I don't have any pants on'
shortly after, it sunk in, she puked in her shower, then started packing her bag. (yes, while drunk)
We headed to the airport, and the rest is history.
I will get to how it all went down in the next few days in part 2.

near genius

2011-08-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I stopped at value village to waste time so I didn't have to go home to children driven wild by the recent full moon.
I found this:

I freaking love dippin dots. In fact, it is the only reason I would consider taking my kids to someplace as ridiculously crowded as Calaway Park.
With a price like this, how could I refuse?

However, it came with no instructions, which left me only my imagination to concoct a mixture that would resemble the flavor of ice cream. Luckily I have practiced up my ice cream making skills this summer with one of those awesome ice cream maker ball thingers, which I also got at value village new in a box for $9.99. I mixed some cool whip, and some chocolate and caramel sirop with some milk and poured it in. Came out not too bad, aside from my constant opening the little molds to see if it was done yet.

The possibilities are limitless.
...and then I had my moment of brilliance.
Sangria.
I mean, it cant be any more disastrous than the time I tried to re-fill a tassimo disk with irish cream....
(yes, it exploded all over as soon as I pressed the brew button)

I did not have the proper ingredients for sangria, so, I improvised. It tasted pretty good.

a few minor obstacles, besides not having the correct ingredients, the orange juice pulp started clogging the doohickey. This is serious technical business. I can see why someone lets treasure like this end up in second hand stores unused. I added a strainer. back on track.
Success? I could hardly wait, I checked like a billion times to see if my frozen delight had reached the point of earth shattering life changing greatness.

Sadly, much like yesterdays mom's night out with a few girlfriends, I went a bit overboard on the wine, and the alcohol content was too high. it won't freeze. sunuvabitch.

It is a brilliant concept. I just have to tweak my recipe a bit. I imagine when I do it will look something like this, and you will all be jealous of my amazingness.

now, if you will excuse me, I have slushy wine to suck out of silicone molds.

the sum of all fears

2011-08-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

Its shark week.
I think I have been watching too much discovery channel, I tend to get a bit obsessed when I watch a lot of a certain type of show in a short period of time. I guess the shark thing is not as bad as when they run a marathon of Gold Rush Alaska and I start fantasizing about living in a shack and becoming a prospector. Either way, watching hour after hour of people talk about getting attacked on what they thought was going to be the beach/marine adventure of a lifetime has me thinking a lot about my own fears.
I am ridiculously afraid of bears.
This is a problem, since my ideal home would be a remote shack far from civilization where I never had to wear clothes, or see traffic again.
The topic has come up a few times lately, and I can't really explain just why I am such a wuss, but it doesnt seem to be getting any better.
Perhaps it is because my bushwoman tendencies make me territorial. There is only room for one lumbering snarling protective bitch in my forest, and the position is taken.
Maybe it stems back to a mauling that occurred very close to the spot I have camped every summer since birth. A kid not much older than me was hauled out of a tent because he had candy in the tent with him. My dad had a tendency to over dramatize things to illustrate why we need to be careful, and follow rules. By the next time I camped out there, I was afraid to even think about chocolate bars unless I was safe in the old Winnebago.
I swallowed rocks, and played with fire, but no way in hell would I eat candy while camping.
Whatever it was, it messed me up good. I spent my honeymoon sleeping in the majestic rockies in the back of a Toyota Celica because I saw a bear on the road leading into the campground where we were planning to tent.
Much like my fear of needles, I try to face it head on. (that went famously wrong too, when I woke up on the floor in my high school gym during a blood drive)
Shortly after my daughter was born, we decided to join our friends on a trip to Kananaskis.
She would have only been a few weeks old. This means I was still suffering the big red tsunami, in addition to lactating (newly, so in full force production) and had two children in diapers as my son was barely 2 years old, one of whom was a puker.
I was sure they were coming for me, and they wanted my babies. I was like a walking pamphlet of things not to have in your tent.
We had made it maybe 3kms onto the highway that leads into Kananaskis country when I saw the first massive grizzly wander across the road. Awesome.
Suck it up, you can do this.
We got to the site, set up our tent, when one of our friends who is an provincial park ranger in the area stopped in to say hello. We could clearly hear on her walkie talkie that there were some 13 bears in the area. Right on.
Majority of the evening went fairly well, we went to watch our friend perform her interpretive shows about bear safety at Mt. Kidd, then I swabbed my kids down religiously to make sure all remnants of food were wiped clean from their defenseless little bodies.
I kind of started to mellow out by the evening, even had a beer once the girl kid was asleep and I would have time between feedings, and then it started to rain, signaling an early bedtime for everyone.
Aaand, then the panic set in. The campground was quiet. I was only separated from the domain of the giant beasts by a thin layer of fabric, surrounded by darkness.
I fumbled for a lighter and pressurized can of mosquito repellent. My makeshift fire thrower gave me the sense of security I needed to keep my little smelly offspring safe from harm.
I managed to drift off to sleep.
For a couple hours. Then I heard rustling, followed by someone screaming.
I was wide awake, but everyone else was out cold. Did I imagine it? I must have. I went into full anxiety shock, shaking, sweating.
I woke my husband up, and told him I was shaking. He half awake, threw an arm over me and continued to snore.
I sat awake listening, shaking. I heard cars rush into the site. It must be the rangers coming wielding rubber bullets and tranquilizer guns. I saw flashlights scanning the area, even flashing on my tent, heard footsteps. I was next. The bears were coming.
I did not sleep a wink. I tossed, toiled, resisted blinking, poised like a ninja ready to blast that bear in the face with my fire shooter. Lactating to boot, because of course this was the longest the baby had slept since birth.
The sun came up. I decided to secure the perimeter. I would walk to the bathrooms alone, with only my mother bear instincts to protect me. I would sacrifice myself so that my little family could make it from the tent to the vehicle.
I heard other campers begin to wake. I saw no carnage, or panic.
Everyone looked at me like I had just crawled out of a bomb shelter, or eaten my body weight in magic mushrooms. Asking if everything was ok.
Seriously, did I imagine the whole thing?
Nobody heard a peep. Nobody else saw the flashlights. I was ready to check myself in for psychiatric assessment, and I could have easily gotten a whole page of signatures for admission.

Fortunately, our friend the ranger showed up, and told us all about a domestic fight that happened on the other side of the campground, involving police intervention. At least I had not imagined the sounds, or flashlights, but the sanity is still up for debate.

I faced my fears, and lived to tell the tale.

...but I don't think I could ever handle it if Discovery Channel decided to run Bear Week.

WTFeelsGooooood

2011-07-25T18:12:00.001-07:00

Go ahead. Laugh at my groin injury. I did.
(click the picture to make it zoom)

like my doodles? see more here

the worst pain is defeat

2011-07-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

I walked among heroes. Yesterday was one of the most emotional days I have ever had.

I participated in my first ever Weekend to End Breast and Gynecological cancers.

Walking 60kms among hundreds of those who have survived, or lost loved ones due to cancer.

I overheard so many conversations in the crowd around me talking about how their treatments went, or how many times they battled for their lives.

This was the real deal.

My walking partner lost her own mother, and numerous other family members have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I spent a lot of the day thinking how fortunate I feel not to have genetic disposition doubling my odds to be diagnosed, or see my daugther or mother go through it. I thought about how uplifting it would feel for someone lying in a hospital or fighting the horrid side effects of treatment to know their friends were out there wearing t-shirts with their photo on it.

What a powerful statement the event makes.

Together we raised $2.6 million.

I set out in awe, pumped, and cheering as loud and as hard as I could. I was inspired and ready to take on the world.

At about the 18km mark, we headed down a large hill. I started to feel the tingling and tightness I normally experience before a flare up of my sciatic nerve.

I walked it off, started stretching and doing my physio exercises at every pit stop/snack station.

It slowly got worse, and by about the 25th km I was in tears.

I couldn't stop. Everything inside of me screamed that I was not a quitter. I watched survivors walk past me, even a couple of pregnant women. I told myself I would finish the first day even if it killed me.

People with cancer dont have the option of quitting when the pain becomes unbearable, and today, neither did I.

Every step felt like a knife to the back, and my tensing up in anticipation was causing all sorts of havoc. My chest was so sore it hurt to breathe, and I was fighting to keep from puking. I whimpered like a pathetic dog. Cried til my eyes stopped producing tears.

I was stupid. I should have taken a sweep vehicle for the last 8kms. I was too bloody stubborn. I was too proud and too foolish. The sweepers, and medics were strongly suggesting I get in, but I wouldn't.

I pulled both my groin muscles lurching along like something out of Thriller. My shins felt like I had been kicked by a donkey because I cant stand upright without pinching the nerve. I hurt so bad I didn't even take up the free beer gardens. I laid in the tent until I could see the masseuse, or needed more painkillers from the medics.

Stupid.

I slept on the ground under my sleeping bag so that I would not fall into such a deep sleep that I would wake up stiff as a board. I woke up every hour to stretch and shift positions. I was determined to carry on and face the next day of walking.

When I woke up in the morning I could still barely stand. I actually almost got stuck in the port-a-potty. That would have just iced the cake.

I had to tell my partner that I couldn't do it. I had to tell myself.

Now I have to tell everyone who put enough faith in me to donate that I couldnt do it.

I had to call my husband to pack up my stuff after all the walkers left. I broke down as soon as I got into the car. I sobbed every time we passed a walker, or some of the amazing crew that got me through that last 5kms. I felt like I had let everyone down. Especially my partner who was so supportive in every possible way.

I had just barely made it over halfway, and will probably never forgive myself.

WTF?

2011-07-18T14:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. mostly because my lack of interest in hearing people complain has convinced me 87% that people have no interest in listening to what random complainer thoughts pop into my head.

So, instead of getting all fired up because someone commented under a facebook photo of me on vacation telling me I should go to this awesome place they think they discovered (which happens to be where the picture was taken) I have just began to bottle up my hatred for living in a populated area, like a bearded crazy mountain man in a home made shack.

I also decided to stop drinking for a week to try to lose a couple pounds and discovered that was overrated too.

However, I have discovered that laughing is pretty well the only way to prevent full scale mental breakdown, and fortunately my life provides enough disfunction to keep my warped sense of humor well fed and nurtured when I can hardly say the same for myself.

I have been fortunate enough to have been handed miniature versions of myself, and my husband to remind me of all the trouble I got into in my own upbringing.

People frequently underestimate the deviance my children are capable of. I find myself learning the hard way, that is really hard to discipline a child for streaking or 'farting at someone' when you personally still laugh your ass off when you do the same thing.

I have a unique ability to relate to the children.

Some call it immature, I call it 'symmature'

Either way, its the way I am, and I have survived thus far.

In the spirit of hilarity, I have begun to depict the common events of my household by combining my childhood love of coloring, and my childrens common love for making sure every bad word or action I chose in childhood is avenged sevenfold.

Love it or hate it, here it is, the window into my brain, my WTF? sketches.

This was the first one:
I had witnessed a weather event that left me stirred, and wanted to illustrate to my husband who laughed at me like I was crazy when I explained what I saw.

You might have to click on them to expand them to read the text.

I got a pretty good response from friends. So, I did another one a few days later.

and another.....
and eventually I cranked one out every week or so.

Who knows, I might just be laughing at my own jokes here, especially with the pig one, but I like it, and it keeps me looking at the humorous side of life no matter how many times it woke you up at 6am.

respect your history!

2011-06-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the honor of presenting gifts at a celebration for three amazing women who have spent their lives giving to the community.
Our local museum undertook a massive project to showcase how many women have been unsung heroes for their constant work and dedication to help make this town what it is.

I am a huge nerd. You already probably know that, but I geek out hard when I read about local history, and about real people who walked the same streets as I do to this very day.

I didn't grow up in this town, but it is my home, and I love it here. I have read all three different books compiled by our historical society based on personal accounts of farmers, teachers and families who have been in this area before the town was even established.

I love seeing the old photographs, reading the stories, and even looking at the displays of random household objects that were a part of life decades ago.

They didn't have facebook to document every detail of their lives. they did not all carry digital cameras or smartphones to share and capture their memories. Someone had to put hours and hours, and months and years into compiling all the stories and artifacts so that we can treasure them. This literally means sitting down with old farmers and listening to their stories about their life. So many amazing pieces of how we got where we are are lost when the people who lived them pass away. Their stories are amazing too. Real hard times, real struggles, without the conveniences we have, or even the same freedoms we have today.

Every small town has a museum. You may have never been to yours, and drive by it every day. You may have even been in there before without realizing that people have poured their hearts and souls into preserving our history for future generations.

My local museum just opened an exhibit featuring the unsung heroes of the homesteads and households as well as doing whatever they could to help out their neighbors and friends...the moms, wives, sisters and daughters! There are so many amazing women who have done so much. Many organizations and groups that still are in place today were started and put together by women. They may not have been politicians, or the 'heads of the households' or 'business owners' but they were most certainly had HUGE impacts on the lives of those who were, and they are finally being recognized for it.

I was so moved to see how many people were there acknowledging the impact and power just ONE woman who goes against the grain, or speaks out and does whatever she has to do for those she loves and the things she believes in. The banquet hall was packed with local dignitaries and politicians were present, and many many proud family members and descendants of these amazing women.

I just cant help but think. Three of the nine women being featured in the new museum display are still alive and were able to feel the impact they have had on the lives of those around them. Six of them were not, and although I am sure they died surrounded by those who most certainly appreciated their lives and dedication, if it weren't for people who care enough to document their history, their stories would remain untold.

I have a huge respect for archival societies, and historical societies, and am so proud of all the hard work they have done. Go check out your local museum, and I guarantee you if you go in and actually take a good look around, you will learn many new things about the place you call home. I cant wait to take my kids to see the new exhibit!

Huge congratulations to the wonderful women being honored, and their families who have so much to be proud of!

I was so honored and moved being there, I wish I could have stayed longer to show just how much I really do respect and honor their lives, as well as give the historical society and museum staff for their hard work!

how to proceed?

2011-05-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

I joked with my husband on the way home from a weekend away from kids, work and too much beer about selling everything, and moving to Slave Lake to open a nudist bed and breakfast.
I look forward to every summer letting my worries disappear into the sun setting over Dog Island in a burst of color that is etched into my mind. When I close my eyes on a long day, I imagine this place that has, and always will be my happy thoughts.
Regularly I imagine how sweet life would be to wake up to that serenity every single day. All of my family who has been kind enough to allow me to randomly show up and squat in their yards when I just want to get away from it all are honestly the most amazing people I know. I feel my roots planted deeply in the earth when I see how truly grounded and strong and wise my Uncle Julian and Aunt Jeni are. I have even blogged before about how he has inspired me to be a better person.

Little did I know, while in my daydream about this paradise, it was literally going up in smoke.

I felt ill. I had to do something.
From the information I could piece together, already one Aunt and Uncle had lost their home, and fire was heading towards anothers, on the land my Great Grandpa and Granny raised my Grandpa and his siblings. The homes they built with their hands, and later where their children would build their homes. Homes deep seeded with memories, family history, love, and appreciation for the splendor of the lake. I cried without consolation for hours, glued to coverage, desperately awaiting any news that would give a glimmer of hope.

I quickly connected with a few friends via twitter.

How could I help? I have clothing. I have a consignment store and regularly have items to remove once their contract is expired.
I dont have a lot of money. In fact, this month has been a struggle to keep my doors open.
I have time. my weekdays are slow.

I like to think of myself as a resourceful person, and the resources I have, are a store with few customers during the day, giving me time to network and organize, and amazing friends who are always willing to help me out.

I cant even begin to tell you what a mess I have been, I apologize to any of my customers/friends/UPS guy who witnessed a full on outburst when they casually said 'Hello, how are you?"

Many people have insurance, but many will not. The Red Cross and Salvation Army are fantastic. They run a smooth operation, however keeping everything organized means really streamlined programs, such as cash donations only, so that they require no storage and can focus on items that are specific to the needs of any disaster or crisis.

Once the situation is stabilized, and people start re-building their lives, those without inurance will struggle tremendously trying to replace things nobody expected to have to replace. Clothing is expensive, buying a single outfit for a special event is a blow to many peoples pocket, nevermind replacing an entire familys wardrobe.
As it is, people already rely on discount clothing, or second hand stores to make ends meet. Sadly, we are not even sure yet if the town's Sally Ann is still standing, and if it is, there is no power or utilities to it.

The need for clothing will be great, and if I can help, I am in. I put out the word that I was thinking of starting collections.

I immediately had the support of some amazing local women, who full on jumped in with me into this mess. I am grateful for them and all of their hard work. We went from a handful of women at 11pm Sunday, to over 700 by the next evening, and now, we broke 1200 as of Tuesday morning.

Keeping up with all the questions and comments via the facebook page has been almost a full time job. Support is amazing, there are so many people willing to help.

At this point we have tonnes of clothing, and people are starting to get nervous, as nobody is prepared to take it. The people dont even know if they need to start rebuilding, because they have no idea if they have homes to return to. People in temporary shelters have no place to store extra outfits. We are playing a waiting game, and it is a huge risk to not only have stockpiles of clothing and no definite answer as to where and when they will go, but to have the trust of the hundreds of people who have donated their own possessions selflessly.

All we can do is prepare ourselves, and use the resources we have to the fullest extent. I assure all of you involved, and all of you helping that your generosity will not go unappreciated, and will be worth every minute, every tear, and every intention.

I thank everyone for their support, do what you can, dont over-extend yourself, and keep doing what you are doing.

xoxoxo

my inner sasquatch wants pie.

2011-05-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

The sky was a mix of sun, and fluffy rain clouds, parted just enough that a slight sprinkling of rain fell in complete bright sunshine.
Birds sang their sweet song as they returned from their winter refuge.
The lumbering mammal awoke from its warm den, after months of hibernation with her cubs, and breathed in the sweet smell of rain before rolling in a puddle and heading to the creek swollen from the melted snow.
Hundred of fish fought their way upstream in search of a safe place to spawn. Ripe for the picking, no idea they were being watched, and hunted from the muddy banks.
She crept her hairy legs into the water, slowly so not to startle the fish, then with one swift movement, snatched a fish triumphantly and screamed.

''SICK! It totally blew eggs all over my shirt''

Then another one sucked onto my feet, and I almost fell ass first into a culvert.

It was awesome. I was hooked. I spent the next three hours wandering along the banks of the smelly little creek that runs through my town. I was filthy, I mean sticks in my hair, mud up to the knees, bugs in my pants and little tiny bleeding scratches all over from prickle bushes and barbed wire.

My husband looked at me the same way he looks at the basset hound who just ate a steaming poop in the backyard and was scratching at the door to be let in.

He doesn't share my sense of adventure. He sort of thinks its gross. I get home from a run, which usually (thanks to the wonder of neoprene Vibram five finger shoes) means through several puddles, and look like I tanned with shoes on, except its actually dirt.

I love it, and I cant wait for summer. With gas prices through the roof, I cant wait to explore my neighborhood, and the rest of Alberta too. There are so many places we drive right past on the way to the mountains that we would not in a lifetime have enough hours in a day to explore.

We don't have to worry about bears, poison spiders, snakes, or avalanches. I can sleep in my own bed (fine, after I wash my feet..) and best of all, its free.

I actually just got an Edmonton's Countryside magazine, and am pumped to see how many tiny towns most people have never heard of have such cool things to offer, aside from random forest exploration! Every little town, no matter how podunk, has a museum, or historical society where people have worked really hard at preserving their pasts. Often piecing together stories passed on from generation to generation, or old photos found in attics. Something we take for granted in the age of digital media keeping detailed histories and collecting data.

I also highly recommend getting a Travel Alberta Holiday Card and taking advantage of discounts, and finding new places to visit.

I personally am a huge dork and LOVE imagining what life was like generations ago. (perhaps explaining my urge to wrestle fish out of creeks, and pee in the forest?)

We forget that people lived really simply, and were not afraid to get dirty. They didn't have the option of going to the grocery store and paying someone to do the dirty work of hunting and gathering for them. (all the while bitching about the prices of it!)
They did what they had to do, and while yes, it was a lot of work, they had the satisfaction of providing for themselves.
We are all so stressed by money, we need it to buy food, and shelter, and clothing. We all hate our jobs. The cycle continues of not having the time to grow our own food, or cook from scratch meals, sew our own clothing, and needing to pay someone else to do it for us, who need more money to pay someone else to do things for them....and the snowball gets bigger.

I am beginning to really think the Hutterites are on to something.

Unfortunately, until boozing and swearing are acceptable in the colony, I will just have to carry on wandering through the bushes in hopes of reconnecting with simpler times, occasionally buying pies and potatoes from ladies in handmade dresses out of market stands on the way to see giant Easter eggs and four story Sausages.

Explore your own town! get in touch with your roots, and save a tonne of cash on hotels and gas!

disclaimer

2011-02-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

if i am referring to you, you will know it, because I have either already talked to you, or directly address you. dont waste your time speculating. ask if you are unsure.

Its only OK when Oprah does it.

2011-02-23T09:04:00.000-08:00

No apologies for who I am.
There are three people in this world who's opinions matter to me.
My husband and my kids.
The kids are not quite old enough to have much for opinions yet, but I consider myself lucky to have the most supportive husband in the world.
I got a phone call from him this morning asking me to delete a couple people from my facebook account, where I posted a link to my blog because he got a lecture from someone about it.
He understands that I am brutally honest, and completely wide open. He knows that I am not running around looking for attention, but that I am willing to put it all out there with the intent of helping other people.
I love having google at my disposal to find other people or articles I can relate with when I am unsure about something. I don't believe in hiding in a corner ashamed, or making haste decisions because you are afraid to seek the information that will make you feel more comfortable about your choices. To expect such information to be available without occasionally contributing to it would be unfair. Especially when that information is free.

You likely have at least ONE tell all book where someone airs out all their laundry, going to much much deeper darker places than a boob job you haven't even had yet. Oprah is a mulit-billionaire based on the fact that she gets people to open up.
The difference is that I don't get paid to do it.

But here is the deal. If you are ashamed, or worried that someone might not like me, don't worry about it. I am a big girl, and don't need anyone to stick up for me at recess.
If you are embarrassed to be associated with me, you know where the door (or BLOCK button) is.
You might want to cancel your cable too, because 90% of the top rated television shows are people talking about their personal lives.
I don't backstab people, I don't post constant complaints about petty things with FML at the end. I am not inviting cameras into my gynecology appointments or posing nude. I most certainly never divulge the details of real arguments with my husband or friends.
I use the internet as a valuable tool every day. I use it often, and it has enriched my life with great new friends, business contacts and even new products or resources for my own life.
I don't simulate a social life, I have plenty of things to do outside the virtual world.

In my opinion, that would be something to be ashamed of.

I get that not everyone is comfortable talking about the same things I am. I genuinely don't care. I would much rather people had the facts, straight from me then speculate under the illusion that I have something to hide, or hear it from someone else.

I am not going to delete anyone.
If you have a problem with me you know where to find me. Don't make someone else uncomfortable expecting them to explain for me if you feel you deserve an explanation.

if you have a question, ask me or leave a comment anonymously.

naked in front of the firing squad

2011-02-20T13:11:00.000-08:00

Here goes.
I am pretty open about the fact that I want to get my boobs done.
Feel free to flip back to my last post on the topic.
My husband cringes when I talk openly about it, for one, because he is deathly afraid people will think we have more money than we do (as a small business owner, people tend to think we must sleep in stacks of money, when they couldnt be more far from the truth)
I get what he is worried about, people are odd, and it would not be the first time someone has made an ignorant comment when I go on vacation about how their late charges probably paid for it (like I should cut them slack for their constant inability to return movies on time because I treat myself to something nice..right?)
In fact, I have to be extremely cheap to be able to afford holidays, we don't have a fifth wheel, or camper, we tent, and cook on a fire with sticks. We don't go to Capitlal Ex and blow hundreds of dollars, we rarely go to movies or concerts. We don't have fancy dinners out, or even buy gifts for each other (only the kids) and we don't go skiing.
Its all perception, the same people who say things like "It must be nice to get to take holidays'' have no problem going out to Banff for the weekend spending almost as much as cheap-asses like me pay for a seat sale vacation to someplace tropical.
The truth is, the only reason I may be able to afford to do it, is that I am looking to have it done in another country.
*GASP!*
...and guess which one...
Mexico.
Hold off, before you start getting all twitchy and asking me if I am crazy, because I have most likely heard your rant before.

The average price of a boob job in central America is $3-5000. In Canada, you are very lucky to get a set for less than $7000. That is pretty appealing.

Too good to be true? That depends.

There are horror stories of people getting absolutely botched surgeries abroad. It is tough to hop on a plane and trust someone claiming to be a doctor is properly trained, and qualified to be trusted with your health.

Two things you have to remember:

-Boob jobs are incredibly common there. Obviously someone is doing it right.

-The cost of living, and operating a business is considerably cheaper there, making it easier for a doctor to make a profit without having to double the cost of their time.

The catch is that their health care system is structured very differently than ours. This makes it difficult to hold doctors accountable for their actions. There are many many private clinics where doctors can just 'rent' an operating room, and knowing that both the facility, and the doctors, nurses and anesthetists are all certified and properly trained.

The private hospitals are out to make a profit. This is good, and bad. Good because it encourages the hospitals to be insanely meticulous about their cleanliness, aesthetic appeal as well as customer service. People are PAYING to be there, and this holds them accountable for maintaining and keeping everything top notch. They make money if they do a good job, not like here where they are all paid a wage and just hope there are enough hours to get it all done before clock out time.
The negative is that some hospitals may not have records of whether the doctor is a well reputed one or not. This makes research very difficult, and not many people are willing to spend the time doing it, taking a risk without understanding.

I might add that I have several friends who had really sucky surgeries done right here in Canada that they had to have repaired within months of getting.

Really, people have such a closed minded perception that we live in a first rate country, when in fact many countries considered to be third world have higher ranked health care systems by a long shot according to the World Health Organization.

Mexicans need hospitals too, and they have the same technology and information as we do. As much as everyone seems to think a Mexican hospital is some sort of witch doctor shack in the middle of a garbage dump, how many of them have actually see the inside of one?

I have. It was immaculate. I have NEVER seen a Canadian hospital that clean and organized. It was not full of people who abuse ambulance service for a free ride. It wasn't full of people who didn't feel like waiting for an appointment with their over scheduled family doctor. There were no bleeding or injured people waiting hours to see a triage nurse sitting on disgusting stained waiting room chairs.
It was like a spotless hotel, with medical equipment.

I met with a surgeon. He was excellent. Made me feel very comfortable, and even discussed completely unrelated health issues and giving me advice about issues I should discuss with a doctor at home where it is covered. He has excellent communication skills, and easy to find published work and affiliations with reputable schools and even worked in the military.

The hospital requires that anyone working there is re-certified regularly to maintain absolute patient safety.

Best of all, I would get to recover in an amazing setting, on a holiday in the sun.

The cost of a vacation and the surgery will be thousands of dollars less than I would pay here from a doctor who has half the experience.

In the end, its a personal decision, based on your personal comfort level. I am completely aware that I am putting myself naked in front of a firing squad, but I think it is very important to shed some light on the unfounded and ridiculous reputation people have given Mexico.
I also think its very important that anyone else like me who has spent years wishing I could get a little help with the one thing no amount of hard work or dedication can fix about their body can feel comfortable knowing they are not alone.

Unfortunately, Old Man Peelay will have to get used to it, because I would much rather be open and honest with the hope that someone else will feel more comfortable with their own journey on the topic, than worry about someone not supporting my business based on something so irrelevant to them. The type of person who would let that affect their decisions to support my business would likely just find something else to complain about anyhow.

take me to your leader

2011-01-11T19:49:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago I started planning a womans retreat, sort of like a make a wish type deal, but for regular women, with regular lives.
Our workplaces, households, and society in general relies on us being level headed, and having enough patience to face the day, and well, I think sometimes life just plain old gets overwhealming.
for a more in depth explanation of my motivation, refer to http://sharptonguedmom.blogspot.com/2010/12/cry-for-help.html

Now that things are in motion, I need to find someone to MC the event, as well as someone to speak during the opening brunch. I know so many amazing women, and could write a wish list a mile long just from the AMAZING women from Alberta alone who have done amazing things dispite the chaos of work, money, family and everything else in between.

I need someone who is witty, entertaining, funny, and at the same time will speak in a way that we can all relate. Someone who has overcome great obstacles, and faced the tempation just to give up.

We have a limited budget, and obviously would love for this amazing person to be local, but I have no clue as to where to start. I either need sponsors to cover the fee for booking, or someone who is kind enough to donate their time just to spread their message.

If you, or someone you know is able to help me, please contact me via this blog, or twitter

http://twitter.com/#!/recyclenazi

Thanks so much!

the day my son found a gun

2011-01-07T23:34:00.000-08:00

perhaps I am a bit dramatic.

Some would think I try to shelter my kids from the harsh reality.

Fortunately those 'some' don't live in my house, and don't have any say in how I raise my kids.

But we had a moment the other day that made me proud.

My son is 4 years old, and the sensitive type. He instigated a clothing drive before we travelled to Mexico for the 'sad kids' we often refer to when explaining how he should be more grateful for what he has. He get worried watching the most G rated of films, like when the toys in Toy Story were close to being thrown n the garbage by mistake. He has a heart of gold, and I intend to keep that little bundle of innocence and pure whole hearted good intentions alive and well in my house.

The other day, he came to me in a panic.

"Mom, I think I found a gun!"'

We have a rule in our house, guns are for police men, and space cowboys, and I don't see any robbers, or martians, so we don't have any reason for pretending to shoot anything, with toy guys, or pointed fingers.

Even policemen have to endure rigorous training to be able to handle something like that. It is a serious item, and just like we don't pretend to hurt people, we don't pretend to shoot them. Its just not allowed, and that's moms rule.

My innocent little man confided in me with a hushed voice.

''Its just a teeny tiny one, I think its from my new lego set"

I started to repeat my rule....

"I think it belongs to one of the little police men that goes with the emergency rescue set"

I thought for a second, as the wheels turned in his head, he was deliberating, I could tell. Did he want a toy gun even though it was smaller than a dime?

I said "Okay, its from a police man. Do you want to keep it, or do you think your police man can just arrest the bad guys and send them to jail, or does he have to shoot them?''

he was completely relieved when he realised that there was an alternative.

I was pretty proud, that my boy, at the age where most boys explore the concept of good and bad was not interested in hurting anyone, even if they were 'bad guys'.

The world is a scary place. Don't get me wrong, I love a good action flick as much as the next guy, but there is more than enough violence out there for kids to be exposed to, I don't need it in my toy boxes.

Too many kids running around thinking they need a gun for protection just encourages other kids to think they should do the same.

I am not trying to shelter my kids, in fact, I think I am being more honest to them this way. Police men and security officers need special training on how to avoid needing their gun, and if they happen to need it, they are trained how to properly use it. Hunters as well, and soldiers most certainly dont get to just pick one up and have a go at it.

Do I explain to him that his chances of being an astronaut are slim to none? Nope...fertile imaginations are meant to run wild, but the chances of my son having a friend with a spaceship in high school are slim enough that I shouldnt have to go there.

Too many kids getting shot, or flapping their mouths thinking a gun will make them invincible or solve their problems.

I must say that moment made me realise that yes, their impressionable little minds are just the buds of our future, and he is well on his way to being a compassionate and caring human being.

a cry for help

2010-12-20T11:43:00.000-08:00

Its been a hell of a year, this 2010.
I cant help but be thankful for my life, to have a good husband who is there when I need to get out for a sanity break. I do not have to worry where my next meal will come from, or that my children will go without. I am thankful that I have friends who are there, and that I have my health, and as much of my sanity as I started out with.

I have seen a lot of ups and downs this year. I have watched many of my friends lives fall apart, as well as seen some incredibly joyous unions, and new lives begin.

I am thankful for it all. I consider myself very fortunate to be in one piece.

Once the new year begins and the holiday madness settles, we start a new year, a new journey. Quite often, the first few months of the year are nothing short of hard to survive. Money is tight, the lack of sunlight, the extra few rolls that may have snuck up on us over the cold winter months. Not just the usual 'I could use a vacation' grumbles, more suicides and deep depression bouts happen in the first two months of the year. People count on the new year for change, and if that change doesn't come it can be a devastating let down.

It is tough, for everyone, but this year, I cant bear to see that happen. I have seen friends struggle with things I only wish I could make go away. Friends who have stood by while family members spiral to rock bottom with addictions. Friends who have no choice but to stay in a household where love has abandoned them but they continue put their kids first. Friends who have watched cancer tear a piece of their family apart. Friends who put a happy face on every day not to trouble anyone with their burdens. Women, wives, mothers, friends.
All of whom I have heard say while sighing, or wiping tears from their eyes, I just need a break for a day.

I have found this year that the bond between these women is a force to be reckoned with. Beyond all the catty attitudes, and competition that happens, when we look past the petty things, we all seem to relate on so many levels.

The women on our town came together this year like never before. We were shaken, and bruised, and battered in the deepest corners of our hearts by tragedy I wish nobody ever has to experience again. I personally was not close to the McConnell family, and had only met them a handful of times, but my grief extends to my many many friends who were.
We are reminded every day. We drive by the house on the way to get milk from the store. We feel guilt every time we get angry at our kids, wondering if we have the capacity to go too far. Certain toys the boys liked, right down to marks left in their furniture or household items by curious little hands.

With the one year mark almost here, I can see that solemn sadness returning.

Time will heal all wounds, but now, while it is still fresh, they deserve a day, for them to rebound, and catch their breath, so they will be able to face the day with a refreshed heart.

I am in the early stages of planning a ladies retreat. A chance to unwind, to reconnect, and find themselves. No date set yet, hoping for end of January or mid February
My dream? A weekend of activities, ranging from speakers/seminars on the topics of stress management, self esteem, and sexual health....to pampering spa treatments and social lunches and brunches and cocktail parties. I want the women who bear the weight of the world on their shoulders to be treated like the queen bees they are.
I am seeking out speakers, health professionals, caterers, hotels, estheticians and volunteers to help make this happen.

I would like to keep most of the seminars and lunches etc to be in Millet on the Saturday, so that the many moms who don't have the option of overnight stays will still have the option of participating. We have plenty of venues to chose from, and if we are able to acquire a bus or larger transportation we could then be transported to a nearby hotel for more a pajama party, pampering and relaxation.

the big catch? I don't have a budget. I am relying on the help from the community to make this all come together. Many of the women most deserving of this don't have the cash to spend on hotels and pedicures. I would like the majority of the retreat to be free of charge.
If I can beg, plead and whine, I would love to see services donated. If somehow we could manage to cover the costs of venues, snacks and refreshments, speakers, transportation and even a few mini spa treatments, then those who wish to participate in the pajama party could cover their own hotel costs.
This is an attainable goal, and I will make it happen. Everyone in my life is there for a reason, and I love each and every one of you enough to make sure you get at least ONE day to remind you that you are part of something bigger, and being the best YOU that you can be means taking some time to recharge.

If you, or someone you know is able to help out in any way, PLEASE CONTACT ME, your help will be appreciated in unmeasurable ways.

the ass in u&me

2010-11-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

I am on a rampage today.
I have a lot of friends with small businesses. I LOVE knowing the people I know and love are doing something that makes them feel good. Something that lets their true inner amazingness shine like the brightest star.
I love seeing talented artists, musicians, crafters, bakers etc. put smiles on the faces of people around them because something they created, or the time they put into something made someone else happy.
The first thing we teach our children is that they are amazing, and we are proud of them, and their talents that make them an individual. We hope that our sons and daughters be granted the opportunity to become world class athletes, musicians, business people, prima ballerinas, whatever it may be.
We encourage our friends and family to run with their talents, sell their products, etcetera.

So why the hell do we blow smoke up their asses only to slap them in the face when they do finally take a leap of faith and run their own business?

I am aware that being a business owner, I should be careful when I stick my neck out by criticizing people, but I am not talking about my own business, I am doing fine, and in a completely different market demographic than I am talking about. Seeing how peoples decisions are so easily swayed bothers me to no end.

I see friends with stores, or home based companies struggling because people have gotten so into the bad habit of just assuming wal-mart, or whatever big international corporation stuffed a flyer into your mailbox is going to be the cheapest.

I would be rich if I got a buck for every person who was shocked to find out that I got something the liked, or were looking for at a local store in this tiny town. The most sickening part, is that the prices ARE very comparable, and in most cases cheaper, and I didnt have to stand in line, or ask some slack jawed dumb ass which aisle to find it in only to have them tell me it isnt their department.
I supported someones amazing son or daughter, someones friend. Someone who pays a portion of the taxes that build the playgrounds and sidewalks in my neighborhood.

Obviously, there are some things that you need to go elsewhere for, but for the majority, I live within what is available in my own town, and I have completely eliminated the very few items I used to go to wal-mart for (stevia, which is no longer sold by them, and movies)

It is definitely worth your time to check out what is available in your own town. My local Apple Drugs not only has a huge selection of herbal supplements, but they will order in things that I need. My farmers market is a highlight of my week. So many people who have made things with love, food grown with the same rain as my lawn, and people who have been encouraged by their friends and family to share thier talents with the world. Fields, while it is part of a larger company does have a lot of incredibly well priced items that save me from trips out of town all the time, supplying wages for local people.
Our local garden center just outside of Millet has a year round amazing gift shop, with incredibly unique and many handmade items. Butterfly Boutique has incredible jewlery, as well as high end fashions for ladies. The Old Bank aside from its breathtaking charm and home cooking has a gift shop filled with too many great treasures to mention. Huge selection of organic linens and even socks at better prices than my usual favorite 'eco stores'
Zaytoon was my one stop Christmas, wedding, or birthday gift shop. Due to building lease issues she now does occasional markets and open houses, but had to close her retail location.

I love knowing that where I spend my money makes a difference in someone's wellbeing and livelyhood. I am low-average income, and just like anyone else, money is an issue for me, but if you open your eyes, and look past the stereotype, take a little time, you will see that it really is not worth the difference.

The way wal-mart has changed peoples perceptions, if someone wants something from there, they will buy it for themselves. Do you really think you are going to find that perfect gift from a whole aisle of mass produced products that they dont already have?

There is still over a month before Christmas, you have the time, do your homework, see what is right in your own community and stop using the excuse that the one stop shop is more convenient, because when all your local businesses have been run out of town, you wont have the choice but to spend your money at wal-mart. Once they have no competition, do you think they will continue to compete with pricing?

BOOBS

2010-10-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

Get your pitchforks ready, this one will get me in all sorts of shit I am sure.

I want a boob job.

Yes, my husband loves me the way I am, and I have come a LONG way with my own self esteem.
I understand that people think it makes me a bad example for my daughter. I understand that there is the risk of complications.

I hear all sorts of huge boobed friends tell me that theirs are so big its annoying, that they would love to have them reduced, some already have. Its hard for them to understand what NOT having any would feel like.

They got to go to the doctors, and pick the size of breasts they want. No judgement.

I had big boobs. Then I had kids. NOW, I have no boobs, but I still have the skin bags they came in. I miss them. I went from DD's at my heaviest weight, to an A. I was a C before having kids.

Its always easy for someone else to judge, and tell me its wrong, but I feel that I need to explain at least for myself, if not for others why a regular everyday woman would feel the need to have it done.

I am not a stripper, or a beer tub girl at a themed bar or grill looking for extra tips. I am a normal woman who's body has been through a LOT over the past few years. I gained and lost about 75lbs, and breast fed two children. I didn't just decide that I didn't like the way I was, or wanted an upgrade, I just want things to be put back the way they were.

I have worked hard to get into shape, and feel great to be able to fit into the same size, if not smaller sizes than before having kids. My body has changed, some for the better, some for the worse. I am very proud of my own determination to change the things I do not like, whether it by my physical appearance, or anything in life. There is no natural way to correct saggy boobs.

People regularly have cosmetic procedures done to repair damage from car accidents, or even from results of cancer or other illness. Nobody would judge a cancer patient for having her breast replaced with an implant, because they are just having something put back the way it once was. And for the record, I would have a double mastectomy done with the surgery to end my risk of having breast cancer.

As much as people like to think that someone who has implants done is superficial, having breasts makes a huge part of feeling feminine.
NO, I would not encourage my daughter to have hers done, unless of course she went through large amounts of weight loss, only as a corrective procedure. For the most part, people with naturally small boobs, usually have the proportionate frame to go with them. Even the few who just never developed, should probably save their money until they are confident their body is at its healthiest size and they will not be having any more children.

My husband is amazing, and loves me unconditionally, but I am so self conscious about my chest that it impacts our sex life. I can overlook my other flaws, but its very difficult to feel womanly every time he sees or touches the sensation-less flaps of wrinkled and scarred skin. It isn't sexy, and it makes me feel like I am missing something. I have no sensation left.

I have grown up all my life with a huge scar down my stomach, and it took me years to accept that it was a part of me, and that it is not nearly as hideous as it is to me. I accepted at an early age that I would never be like most girls, no matter how hard I worked out, or what great shape I was in, I would still have this massive noticeable line down my belly. I did however before children, wear a bikini once proudly on the beach at the age of 20, for the first time not caring what other people thought, even though I could see their eyes wander right to the offending mark.

It took me years, to accept that I was different, and that I had enough other things going for me that my scar wouldn't define who I am.

Soon after, I began having kids. 2 kids and 3 miscarriages down the road, I am covered in stretch marks that will prevent my loosened skin from ever returning to its normal size. I can handle the stretchmarks, and even get over the skin, but in all truth, breasts are not only an erogenous zone that is important to a healthy sex life, they are the most noticeable feminine feature, and should mirror how you feel about yourself. I like myself, and think of myself as average in the looks department everywhere but the chest.

Some women are really lucky, to go through birth without stretching and ripping their skin from head to toe. Some are not...so why are people so quick to judge a certain percentage of people who's bodies have been through trauma because they are genetically coded to rip, instead of stretch?

I didn't really rip from childbirth, but would never judge a friend who had their hoo-ha stitched back up.

Obviously, money is an object, and the cost of the surgery is the one thing holding me back. I will fully admit that to drop $5-7 thousand on a new set of funbags is not practical at all, that is more than both of my family cars are worth. I am apprehensive about having to take time off to recover, as that just adds to the total cost of the ordeal.
I would consider myself selfish to blow that much money when there are so many things my family needs before that kind of money would be justified.

I do know that it would be worth every penny, and that if I could afford to do it, I would in a heartbeat.

More than anything, I want other people who feel the same way I do to not have guilt about the way they feel, or worry that other people will judge them for their wish, or choice.

I know its something that is usually taboo to talk about, but rest assured, I will once again step out on a limb to make sure you know you are not the only one who feels the way you do, because I am personally sick of feeling like I have to hide how I feel from people to save getting lectured.

when did I become RETRO?

2010-09-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

Today, I heard sad news. Blockbuster is one step closer to bankruptcy, closing 10% of its stores in the next few months.
You would think this is good news for me, knowing my competition is that much closer to being out of the picture, but its not, the industry is tanking, and that is bad news for everyone.
Thinking back, going to the video store and picking out a movie was a huge part of a weekend. Especially in winter when you live in a small town, and the coldest of days resemble life at the north pole.
My first hot and heavy make-out session was on a couch in a friends basement in front of a glowing 80lb TV.
Walking to the store with friends and wandering down the aisles, trying to impress your crew with your reviews and pop culture knowledge.
My first road trip with my kids, wouldn't be possible without a portable DVD player and a stack of DVDs.
File that under things our kids will look at us like old farts for talking about.

Most small towns recently lost their local stores, due to the bankruptcy of more smaller franchise chains. I keep seeing new faces in my store, many of which sheepishly ask the awkward question, of whether I have plans of closing my doors.

Most people are thrilled to still have a place to rent videos from, especially in a rural area that lost its small town Movie Galleries and VHQs.

Fortunately, I run an independent store, with no franchise attachment. I cant be forced to close my doors due to lack of profits for corporate offices and CEOs. Not to mention I have also diversified my business, by opening a consignment clothing store out of my same rented space.

I never got into the business to get rich, and I think that mantra has served me well. I live a fairly low key life, on a low scale budget. No sense in working myself to death so I can show off a BMW to my friends. My business is profitable enough that I can pay my bills, without having to pay someone else to watch my kids. Plus I have the freedom to decide which 22 hours of the day I want to work. (OK, stole that from a tweet by the hilarious Brent Butt!)

Seems illegal downloading, netflix, vending machines and pay per view has taken a toll on the industry, however the reaction from most people I know has been shock and awe that most physical video stores are closing their doors.

I also think that our oil boom contributed to peoples willingness to just buy the movies instead of renting them. I have noticed a decent increase in sales since the market has slowed down. $5 to rent is a lot more affordable than $20 to buy. Most people watch a movie once or twice anyhow.

Lets not forget that rental chains large quantity orders keep the prices cheap on manufacturing DVDs, as well as those giant bins of 2/$10 movies you see in big box stores are most of the time refurbished sell offs from rental chains. This could theoretically cause the prices to go up, eventually killing the market for DVDs altogether, just like the iPods have almost nearly killed CDs.

People want us there when they need us, but only when its convenient for them.

Most big chains shot themselves in the foot when they got rid of late charges. So many customers are notoriously late, and if I had a dime for every time someone kept a new release for a week, and I heard ''WHAT! I could have bought it for that price!" I would be rich.
Truth is, I did buy it for that price. most DVDs even at wholesale costs are between $18-25 plus shipping. If its been sitting in your house for the last week, I could have made $5 per day, and now that its a week old, chances of it renting out enough to make any profit are slim(which I need to pay for fancy things like rent, heat and insurance)
Not to mention that the shelves would be quite empty if nobody brought anything back.
So, Yes, there is a need for late fees, and yes, I expect people to continue complaining about it, but my doors are still open.

I still love the idea of wandering the aisles, seeing hundreds of options that entice me to see something new. I like the option of being able to pause it when I have to yell at my kids, or finish watching the next day if I fell asleep on the couch, or missed half of it because I was too busy making out ;)
Kids faces light up when they get to pick their very own movie. I enjoy sending a handful to grandmas house when mommy and daddy need a little break.

I do watch a fair amount of TV online, but so much money and special effects are put into movies that watching them on the computer doesn't do them justice. Neither does watching them on a tiny little mp3 player or cell phone.

I guess I will have to see where the future takes me, all good things must come to an end.

Just like my eyes light up every time I see a drive in theatre in a movie, and think, if only there was still one in this area, I would love to take my kids to do something I enjoyed so much when I was young.

Wish me luck, because I am not going down without a fight!!

get schooled about back to school shopping

2010-08-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine had a coupon for 30% off at the gap that expired yesterday. She was given the coupon by a friend, and wanted to make sure it got used, I had the day off.

We ended up in south common.

So did the rest of the population. I couldn't believe how ridiculous that place was. I can barely stand it on a weekday, or a regular weekend, but one of the last weekends for back to school shopping was absolute chaos.

Parking was near impossible. Walking across the parking lot was like a game of frogger, all rules or common sense go out the window, and people are so busy staring at the sale signs that they forget they are driving.

I don't normally shop for anything new except underwear, workout clothes and things that I cant find in good enough condition to wear from the second hand store. Anytime I do, I am totally shocked how people don't have the slightest concern for the impact their choices make.

People want deals, big box stores, one of the hottest trend in every color. The price war continues to force smaller businesses out of operation, and bigger corporations to find corners to cut to make the pries more appealing.

They spend so much money on public relations, commercials, sponsorships and advertising to get you in the door. They use factories, and workers in impoverished countries, because they are so desperate for employment and revenue that they disregard any environmental or health factors. They do things that Canadians would be outraged to hear was happening in our beautiful country. Not in my backyard...

We cant seem to make anyone happy with minimum wage here, but have no problem knowing our clothing was made for pennies a day in a country where clean water and food are rare commodities. Manufacturing is far cheaper in countries that do not monitor safe labor practices, or where the industrial waste ends up being put after production.

Did you know that the Gap (which includes Old Navy & Banana Republic) has boycotted the oil sands?

http://www.globaltvedmonton.com/story.html?id=3450779

Its true, and while I completely advocate raising awareness about oil extraction impacts, and how destructive our need to shop constantly for new products made of oil is (synthetic fabrics, plastic everything) I think a company that promotes disposable clothing made in far away countries, then shipped-you guessed it-across the world fueled by oil has bigger ethical concerns than the one that happens to be in the news most lately. Sounds a lot like a greenwashed attempt to sound like they give a shit about the environment.

I also happen to know a LOT of you and your incomes rely directly on profits from the oil sands.

What about all the hype about Victoria's Secret arriving in West Edmonton Mall? Another AMERICAN company, that spends billions of dollars on flashy advertising, yet uses sweatshops in Asia (but occasionally sews a tag, or bow on in the states to be able to call it Manufactured in North America)

La Vie En rose is Canadian owned and has just as nice of product, I will still stick with them, thanks.

LuluLemon is another one I just cant spend a dime in. Yes, they are a Canadian owned company, but since their success and brand has become so popular, they now use factories in China for their manufacturing-without having to adjust their prices to reflect the difference between minimum wage for a Vancouver facility. Also, note that their stores change decor regularly, including shelving and furniture that has their distinct style and logo on them, which make them not reusable under corporate guidelines. This means they get tossed in the dump. Their prices are not really justifiable when compared to locally made athletic wear such as TerraFrog of Edmonton, or Skyler of Vancouver that retail for the same amount. People are so concerned about logos and brand names that they lose their common sense completely.

PS...Skyler is launching their new fall line soon, and I hear it is FAB!!! http://www.skyler.ca/

I love fashion as much as the next person, but following trends by doing what the commercials tell you to doesn't make you fashionable, it makes you look like everyone else.

...besides, is it really worth standing in line for half an hour at the Gap to save $6 on a pair of shoes? You are probably going to need at LEAST $6 worth of wine to unwind after that ordeal anyhow.

Victory smells a lot like sweaty shoes.

2010-06-21T17:31:00.000-07:00

I did it! I ran 10kms and lived to tell the tale.

It was a pretty liberating day for me. I am not exactly the greatest example of self esteem, or positive body image, but I took a big leap, dropped my drawers and ran like the wind.

The crowd applauded, the momentum was amazing.

Until I realised it was just my thighs slapping together with every step. That didn't stop me though, I pulled through, scoped out someone with more junk in their trunk than me, and refused to quit before her. I ran till my thighs rubbed together hard enough to give me two big nasty hickeys on the inside of each thigh.

Nothing could stop me, I was on top of the world.

It felt pretty good to be a part of something like that. The Underwear Affair raises funds and awareness for cancers people are usually to shy to talk about. Plus you get to run around half naked without worrying about getting a ticket or having to slam half a mickey of tequila.

My husband Greg, with Jennifer of Picture us there photography(http://www.pictureusthere.ca/index2.php#/home/) and myself teamed up, stripped down, and donned the drag-queeniest get ups we could find.

I had stressed before to my husband what a big deal it was for me to be attempting to do this. He happens to be one of those disgusting people who can eat cheese burgers and lasagna all day, never gain a pound, then decide to do a marathon with no training.
I warned him that the slightest bit of 'you did good for a girl' or 'let me give you a few pointers' might get him killed.

I signed him up last minute to do the run, made him wear a pair of ladies leopard print undies. Bastard beat me by 6 minutes and for some eerie reason seemed to enjoy the attention the animal print brought to his happy place.

He did get a gross blister on the bottom of his foot though.

Turns out spite is a wonderful little motivational tool.

My brother insists he did a 10km run in 44 minutes, and we called bullshit. Not saying he is a liar, but I have a feeling he was running really short kilometers.

Suddenly there is a high stakes run being coordinated when my family goes for our annual Slave Lake camping trip, and everyone is training like its an Olympic event. They all decide to go along with my 70 something year old uncle, nearly killing themselves in the process of pretending it was easy as a stroll in the park.

This time the stakes will be higher, it could get ugly. I suppose if they are all showboating it leaves more beer for me.

Works for me, since I am terrified that I will lose my motivation now that my run has been completed and gain 10lbs from easing up on the training.

I had to order Greg his own pair of Vibram FiveFingers shoes so he wont have to worry about blisters. (for those of you who don't know what VFF's are, see photo below)

Weird, yes, but I have been running in them since April, and have drastically reduced the severity of my sciatic nerve flare ups. Plus no blisters. They took me twice as long to stink up, and can easily be machine washed.

Freak shoes aside, I had a blast doing my run, felt good being able to somewhat keep up to the cyborg I call my husband, and felt like I truly did have the support of all my friends and family who helped me raise funds, and encouraged me to keep going when I thought I was too wooley to run with the wolves.

Thanks everyone, especially those who greeted me with booze and cupcakes once the ordeal was over.

I can stop spamming my friends now trying to get donations. Phew.

who inspires YOU?

2010-06-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

I am three days away from running in a 10km fundraiser for cancer.

I am not a runner. I am not a natural born athlete. This doesnt come easy for me.

I have been training since the snow was still on the ground. Not even just the freak weather snow dump we had in May...I started running as soon as the roads werent caked in ice.

There have been many ups and downs. I missed almost two weeks of training because I scraped the skin off my heel with a screen door, and couldnt wear shoes. (a stupid gash the size of a peanut in the exact spot any shoe needs to hug to keep on your foot)

I have battled mentally the fact that I had trained for months and my husband just out of the blue decided to go for a run with my GPS and blew my personal best record out of the water with no training whatsoever.

I try my best to keep in shape, and am pretty creative when it comes to getting out and getting my heart rate up, but that is usually things like bike riding for transportation, pushing 100lbs+ of kids in a stroller, but never anything like this before.

Some days I feel defeated by the fact that I have still not even come close to what I will need to do during my run, and am relying on the encouragement most runners have given me: If you can run 5k without pressure of an audience, you can run 10k with competition.

Running is a tough thing to train for alone. Its hard to keep going and pushing yourself to the limit when there is nobody but Fatboy Slim on your mp3 player telling you to keep your body movin'.

Its easy to fold and turn back when your determination slips.

Yesterday I ran 3kms straight uphill. It was the hardest I have trained so far. I should have been doing this months ago, and am kicking my own ass for it...but I did really good.

There was a point where I wanted to quit so bad that I almost cried.

Then I remembered my Uncle Julian. He is in his mid 70's and still jogs 10kms EVERY DAY.

Athletic ability aside, this man serves as an example of the life I would love to live. He and his amazing wife Jeni are truly inspirational people. Most of their meals come from their garden, or are caught in the lake out front of their house. They have worked hard their entire lives, and remain the most down to earth people I know dispite their much earned successes. Their children are all remarkable people who exude the same great caring and giving yet simple appreciation for the most important things in life. I have said before that their lifestyle is exactly what I strive for when Greg and I are ready to retire.

I cant express just how much admiration I have for him, and how much of an impact on my life he has.

I cant wait to visit with him this summer, and for the FIRST time in my life, be able to come close to keeping up with him on the trails, and revel in just how important it is some times to just hear your feet pounding the ground surrounded by nature,life, and all the things we may look over with a passing glance but have so much impact on who we are.

Thanks Uncle for being my motivation today, and for so many other aspects of my life.

PS, my team is $1000 short of their goal!! please help us out at

http://ed10.uncoverthecure.org/site/TR/Events/Edmonton2010?pg=team&fr_id=1161&team_id=30641

bring on the sunshine!

2010-06-14T15:10:00.000-07:00

*SIGH*
I love summer.

I was totally born in the wrong hemisphere. Everything is better in the summer, especially my 'backne' now that I evened out my wicked farmers burn.

I love being outside with no shoes. I love playing in the dirt in sundresses. I love watching the sun set on a blue sky, or watching stars from a hot tub.

My dad taught me to love nature, and do all sorts of adventurous things. He taught me a lot about the best things in life being free. At the time I thought he was just a stingy old fart who didn't want us to do anything fun. I really miss being able to call him up and ask where that berry patch was, or that awesome campground where we found the giant slugs.

It forces me to keep that spirit of adventure and creativity alive. He didn't even have google.

We closed up a big chapter last month, after hauling literally tonnes of crap out of the hoarders nest my parents house became after all of us kids moved out, and my mom finally sold the acreage I found my spirit of adventure on.

I spent whole summers living in a tent in the backyard. I found 'love' in nearby tree houses. I Carved my name in the trees that I climbed. Jumped into creeks or dugouts out to cool off. I experienced the uninhibited feeling of running nekkid down a gravel road or through a field because nobody will see you (or because you think it will be a hilarious way to freak out your friends)

It was emotional for my mom to close that door and hand over the keys, and I can understand why. But it wasn't the house, it wasn't the trees, or the roads. It was the memories, something you will not find on the MLS site or any real estate contract anywhere.

I did however take something from the house that meant a lot to me, and had great sentimental value to me, and my siblings. I had been hoping I could take them, but didn't want to start a war over who got them. When it came down to the crunch, nobody wanted to see them leave the family, but I was the only one who was willing to give up the garage space to keep them.

My dad taught us all how to kayak pretty well as soon as we could sit still in a boat. He had four of them that had been used, abused, repainted and patched for as long as I remember being alive.

I realised last week as I was pulling a kayak strapped to a red radio flyer wagon down to the little creek 5 blocks from my house with my kids toddling beside me that I dread the inevitable day when they are too embarrassed to be seen with mom and dad, let alone dragging kayaks down the street, or tenting in the back yard.

Until then, I will be in my glory, knowing that I am giving them a gift that may take decades to be appreciated. I truly couldn't be happier than I am right now being the cheap old fart who drags the kids to do lame things their friends with fifth wheels, quads and pickup trucks are too cool/busy/rich to do.

Put on a sundress, get your ass outside, do something good, and remember moms, a smoothie is just a shot of liquor away from being a daiquiri, your secret is safe with me.

The summer of LOVE

2010-05-24T16:46:00.000-07:00

Dress, check. Camera, check. Hair on the back of my knee shaved, check.
Its wedding season!
I have been invited to eight weddings this summer, that is bonkers!
Both the daddy man and myself are in wedding parties of one of our best childhood friends, and I am crazy happy for everyone, but holy matching dresses batman, am I glad I ran away to Mexico when I tied the knot.

I couldn't be happier, and love every minute of being married, but just never got the whole 'most important day of my life' jazz.

Really, if I had to stand back, take a look and pick one, other than the obvious being born one, I would have to say the moment I realised that I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my days and raise a family with him.

Having a wedding never changed anything but my legal status, and trust me, we did it three times!! Eloped in Mexico, had a casual party when we got home, then found out we got scammed in Mexico and our wedding wasn't legal, so we signed paperwork a few months later!

We originally picked a date, June 5th, then once we started the whole planning process, we realised how much pressure is put on a couple to do traditional crap that just makes you lose sight of what really matters.

I have never understood spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a dress, just so you can spend the rest of your life doting on how you looked when your love was new. I have never understood spending thousands of dollars having matched napkins and floral arrangements that will mean nothing to anyone the next day, and be out of style by your first anniversary.

I know that most girls spend their entire childhood dreaming of that day, but the only thing I ever remembered wanting at my wedding was a pasta bar (yep, like Pizza Hut's buffet) and a short dress that would be comfortable and stylish. That left a pretty good chunk of the budget for cheap champagne and honeymooning.

Between mothers, mothers in laws and grandparents demanding tradition, especially when they were offering funding for things we didnt see neccessary, but only if we did it their way,
we decided to just jump ship and get married during a conference trip we would be at in the Mayan Riviera. How often are you engaged on a free trip to Mexico for leap day?

We didn't tell anyone really, except my parents, since his were going on the same conference with us and we thought it would be fair to give them the chance to be there. We didn't even tell his parents what was going on, we just got a friend to bring them down to the beach 5 minutes before it happened.

Even though there was the marriage license scam B.S. in the mix, I wouldn't change a thing about how we did it. We had a nice private small ceremony, where we began our life in the promise of being a team forever. We didn't have the pressure of anyone telling us how we should dress, what we should serve or who should be invited.

We had already booked a hall before we left, so we continued with planning a reception on that date. In my opinion, the reception is intended to receive your friends and family's blessing under the understanding that your lives will now be combined, which includes all of your kin. It was important for us to celebrate that, not how pretty I can look for $1800.

People really backed off about the traditions once we had taken the heat off that day.

We laughed, we danced, we ate, we had a good time, (well, until I caught him sneaking into someone else's party because the Flames were in the playoffs for the cup and the other banquet hall had a TV) Appropriately, he spent the evening with his wife, and the other love of his life, hockey.

We spent about $3000 on decorations, liquor and food for just over 120 people. Not too bad. I even had orchid bowls with live fish as centerpieces for our tropical theme decor. (note: you dont want to end up in the emergency room in a wedding dress with a goldfish stuck in your esophagus, thanks to a friend for talking me out of that little sideshow)

I dunno, I don't want my friends who were kind enough to allow me to be a part of their big celebrations to think I am bashing how they are doing things, but I cant help but wish I could just stick them on a plane so that they wouldn't have to feel the pressures of tradition and the norm.

I think a lot of people get the whole thing lost in translation. Some get married because they think they have to, some get married because they want to, and turn into psycho bitches because they specifically asked for flexible hold hairspray and got extra strong.

Fortunately, I haven't run into any bridezillas in my circle, but I still remember the awkward pressure that was put on me by everyone feeding their opinions and vicarious dreams to me while I was in the midst of planning. I hope my friends all have amazing days, and do whatever THEY want to do to celebrate their own summers of love.

Now, where is my wine?

three cheers for the loudmouth bitches!

2010-05-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

I got made fun of the other day because I have this little 'drunk walk' habit...
When I have girlfriends over for drinks, we always end up ditching the men folk and going out for a walk, why not? Burn off some booze calories, get some fresh air, don't have to worry about waking the kids up.
However, the fun being poked at me was not because of the fact that we are hooligan moms out terrorizing the streets of a small town, but because most of the times we go out, I end up phoning the police to report something illegal or dangerous.
I have caught kids lighting fires under bridges, found a brand new abandoned meat grinder dumped on the side of the road (stolen) seen numerous drunk people get into vehicles.
I am a rat.
But really, if some punk kid who thought it would be funny to burn his homework started a grass fire that quickly spread through the forest and parks that runs through our town, it would be devastating.
Makes me wanna put on a hockey mask and hide in the bushes with a chainsaw to scare those little shits into abiding the curfew.
Go ahead, laugh at me for being a tattle tail, but if it was your property being stolen, vandalized, or your streets the drunks were about to drive down you might be inclined to speak up too.
Last year, ABC did a special called 'What would you do?'
They set up a bunch of actors to act out scenarios that SHOULD make people do a double take, such as young children alone and unsupervised on a busy street, to seniors who are barely able to find and operate their car, getting in and driving away.
http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/
The show had hidden cameras observing strangers reactions to what was going on. Some people walked by not even noticing, some noticed but ignored it, and some spoke up to make sure the situation was rectified.
I was amazed how many people will pretend nothing is going on. It was disheartening.
However, it seemed that majority of those who spoke up, were women, mostly mothers and children.
I don't know how it happens, but it seems that once a 'lady' becomes a mom, more than one major orifice gets larger and looser....we get a big fat old 'Mommy Mouth'
Maybe I had a good head start in the loud department, but once someone else's life becomes your own responsibility, you realise just how much your reactions (or lack there of) to something can condone or encourage someone else's behavior.
It all becomes your business, and your opinion does matter.
The new season of 'What would you do?' started up again and is almost more thought provoking than I could have imagined. Pilots in uniform doing shots of liquor at the bar between flights, gay couples taking their kids out for dinner and being refused service, a grocery clerk with down syndrome being disrespected by customers...yikes.
The most shocking part was the statistics about how many people clearly noticed but said nothing. I don't understand how someone could just turn a blind eye to something like that!
Personally, I would have called the manager to my table, explained what I had seen, and given him the opportunity to rectify the situation, or I would be leaving, possibly encouraging other patrons to do the same.
People are afraid to confront someone who is crazy. Understandable, in some cases, if its not safe to do so, walking away is your best choice, but in a circumstance where just encouraging the person who is being treated unfairly is a huge enough gesture to make a difference.
Go over the head of the offending person, and do what you have to do if the direct approach is not for you. Phone the police, child services, or whoever you have to call. Record license plate numbers or company logos on uniforms etc.
Make an anonymous call, nobody has to know.
You never know the difference it could make to the person being treated unfairly, or the jerk dishing it out to know that it wont be tolerated, and you surely wouldn't appreciate it if it was you or someone you love being passed by.

using the F word

2010-03-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

Us women are notorious for it. Some of us can just blurt it out without even thinking about who might hear it, or be offended by it. I would be one of those women.
I am talking about the word FAT.
If the word FAT offends you, that's unfortunate. I think its a lot better than ugly...fat you can lose...or stupid...not much you can do about that one either. I would rather be called fat than either of those!
I regularly have wars inside my head between the 105lb teenager, and the average sized mom I have become today.
HOWEVER, majority of people I see, and even majority of my friends aren't happy with how they look, are 10-50lbs over the weight that is considered to be 'healthy' for their height and age.
Yes, having kids messes it all up. Believe me, I know, I gained 65lbs with my first. It gets harder to lose every time too.
Plenty of people, including the celebs we love to hate for showing up on runways weeks after delivering children can and DO control themselves. It may be their job, but its still hard work.
I like food. I love it. I seriously fantasize about eating more than I do about sex with my hot fireman husband.

I am they type who lays an egg over 5lbs. It is a big deal, because five a year adds up pretty quick over 5 years. Maintaining my weight is a struggle on its own, never mind losing a few extra. Those are the facts. It sucks, its not fun, easy, or even instantly gratifying.

I am sooooooooo sick of excuses from friends who continually complain about how they used to be so thin, or they hate how they look, but fail miserably at doing something about it.
I tried last summer starting a FREE drop in sports group, a walking group for moms, online diet support groups, and a jogging group this year because I don't think that getting in shape should cost a monthly fee, or mean you should have to do it alone. I have put in all sorts of time trying to help my friends because I hate seeing them feel lost.
Everyone is always so gung-ho, and willing to tell me their 20 minute story about how much they hate the way they feel about themselves, until its time to meet up and go, then out comes the excuses.

Boo friggin' hoo! I work full time, with 2 kids and no childcare, run a business, am married to a man who runs a business, plays hockey and is on call 24-7 for the fire department, and somehow manage to juggle all sorts of extra curricular on the side. I like to think its because I don't make up bullshit excuses when life gets inconvenient.

Its not easy! Nobody credible says it is, and if they are, they are probably trying to sell you something.

If dad isn't around to watch the kids, and you don't have anyone to watch them, dust off the jogging stroller and get your ass out there, they will sleep better after the fresh air anyhow. Cant work out a time with a partner or group? Do it yourself on your own time. Don't just give up.

If you were told tomorrow you were a diabetic, would you change your eating habits?
Do you know that obesity is a factor in the most common fatal health conditions INCLUDING diabetes?

Its time for people to move their weight related health up on the priority list, and treat it as a health condition, instead of an excuse to avoid one.

There are options out there for everyone, and I am more than happy to help my friends find them, but first, I need to drill it into their heads that it is not just superficial crap about fitting into the cute styles.

Its about being healthy down the road, its about feeling good about yourself, its about setting a good example for your kids that it isn't acceptable to stop caring because its 'hard' to change old habits. Get your shit together now, and raise your kids right, so that they don't have to struggle with changing their eating habits once they lose that fantastic metabolism kids have.

What kind of example are you setting for them? Letting yourself die from the inside out? Beating yourself up because you aren't happy? Teaching them to be a quitter?

Kudos for those of you who love your body regardless, but don't lie to yourself about it. If you desire change, make the effort. Nobody is going to do it for you.

DO something about it, or shut your cake hole.

I know it sounds harsh, but maybe stirring the pot will get my voice inside your head, so it can kick that fat lazy ones ass.

want some motivation? join my team for the Underwear Affair 10k run/5k walk in Edmonton June 19th to benefit research and awareness for colorectal, prostate, ovarian, cervical, and other cancers 'down there'
http://ed10.uncoverthecure.org/site/TR/Events/Edmonton2010?pg=team&fr_id=1161&team_id=30641

If you cant beat the hotties, join 'em! ....Or just pay them off like a schoolyard bully ;)

Donate Donate Donate!

everybody has a story that could break your heart

2010-03-05T11:52:00.000-08:00

I had a really bad day the other day. Nothing seemed right, I felt fat, tired, sick, frustrated.
My husband plays hockey, and it happened to be a particularly busy two weeks, with a game almost every night for 2 weeks, plus work, fire department duty, I spent most of my nights alone with my thoughts.
I will spare you the details, because really, it seems like everyone is broke, tired, sick and stressed right now.

I needed to talk to someone. Everyone I talked to seem to have no time to listen to me because it wasnt an emergency. Do I have to let it fester to the point of a full on meltdown before you will make time to just be a friend?

Cancel everything.

Throw a world wide pity party, because pretty well everyone I talk to is ready to blow a gasket.
Not sure if its because we are all getting stir crazy sitting inside waiting for the snow to melt, so that we can all carry on with the backyard BBQ's, camping and hanging out at the beach, or just that self pity seems to be the new black.

Life goes on! Is it just me or have people been slowly becoming hermits because they think they are so much busier than everyone else?

I feel like I am pulling teeth trying to get my family together for Christmas, or to get a few girlfriends to come out of their houses for a 20 minute jog.
Maybe its just me, maybe I have alienated myself, who knows, but call me crazy, having to be at work, or school, or the doctors appointment, or whatever other normal life occurrence is happening 15 hours later, doesn't justify it for me.

I really needed to just have some social time. I have spent a LOT of time 'being there' for people lately. I seem to be the one people call when they need something. I enjoy knowing that the people I love count on me, and that they never feel alone in anything, no matter what time of day, or how hard it might be to talk about something. I would never turn them away without at least letting them let out their emotions. Its good to hear yourself say something out loud, and its even good for the person listening to hear that they arent the only one with problems.

There are always people out there who are worse off than you, so don't shut down and wait for sympathy to come to you. Just watch the news, earthquakes, children being murdered and abused, beautiful babies like Layla Grace http://www.laylagrace.org/ who are dying in their mommy and daddys arms because of diseases we have no cures for.

I'm not saying you don't have the right to be upset that your car broke down, or your shit got stolen, I am saying that its life, and it will carry on regardless, so you might as well keep up instead of standing there crying into your coffee.

I have seen strength in people lately that I realise most people choose not to possess. I'm talking life and death problems, not washing your iPod or not having enough money to go to Jamaica.

We are all tired. We are all overworked and underpaid, we are all in the middle of cold/flu season. I think we all need to focus on what we HAVE, not what we don't, whether it be friends, family, or our health.

Dont shut out the things we have the power to control. Be a good friend, and remember we have strength in numbers. Never feel for a second that your problems are more important than someone elses. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone to put it all into perspective, and dont just sit there letting your emotions consume you.

Lets shake this giant cloud of 'Blah' that seems to be hovering over our heads together, be a good friend, and you will recieve the same in return, before we all become lonely old crazy cat ladies who have nobody in your life but animals who just love you for your garbage.

Who do you think you are?

2010-02-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

Today, once again, I was greeted at work by news reporters going door to door, just looking for someone to weigh in on the charges laid today against Allyson McConnell, the mother who killed her two toddler sons on Feb 2nd.

They wanted to discuss how people felt about the two counts of second degree murder.

How do I feel? I feel sad. Two young lives left unable to flourish. A father is left with only questions and memories. Grandparents outliving their children's children. A woman who has to live the rest of her life knowing she did something so horrific.

But who am I?

I am a mother, tied only to this tragedy through common streets and playgrounds, and my own instincts as a parent and friend.

I am not a criminal investigator, or detective, or even a grief stricken family member seeking justice.

How am I to comprehend, or even have an opinion on something I only know about from my own speculations on third party information?

This doesn't stop people from speculating or drawing their own conclusions.

I trust that those informed, and in the position to judge have made the correct decision based on the information and evidence they have. There is no question in my mind, that mental instability and illness were involved. Not that it is excusable, but in all reality there is no sentence our justice system could hand out that would be worse than knowing you took the lives of two innocent children, especially your own, and having to live with their sweet faces in your mind.
Spending a lifetime in prison would mean thousands of tax funded dollars, without answering the thousands of questions we are all left asking.
Would killing her bring them back? Absolutely not. She tried unsuccessfully to take her own life, would granting her that way out be justice?
First degree murder indicates that she had premeditated, or planned it out before she did it. As inconceivable the idea of killing children is we cant assume it was something she had been planning, or was even in a conscious state of mind at the time of.
Sadly, people walk free with the assistance of high paid lawyers, who exploit mental illness to allow people to be exempt of their legal responsibility for their actions, which breaks our faith in the justice system itself.
(a great resource on the topic, and petition to change these 'loopholes' is http://www.timslaw.ca/ an organization lead by the mother of Tim McLean, the young man brutally attacked and killed on a Greyhound bus near Portage la Prairie in 2008 by a man diagnosed with schizophrenia)

Who knows what the final decision of the courts will be.

I feel that regardless of where she spends the rest of her life, she will need to be CLOSELY evaluated, treated and perhaps even studied to help understand what could have gone so horribly wrong in her head to silence every motherly instinct that must have been screaming in the back of her head. I sincerely hope, despite my lack of confidence, that the need for psychiatric help will not be overlooked. We need to revisit the definition of "rehabilitation" and whether it is fathomable for her to ever be of a healthy state of mind again.

Being angry about the decisions of the courts will not bring the breath back to those tiny lips, it will not change what has happened, and we can only hope it has taught the world a lesson of some sort, whether it be to cherish your loved ones and friends, to ask for help when you need it, or to speak up for someone else when you think they may be unable to speak for themselves.

Its not my place to be angry, and I hope that people wont be so quick to pass judgement that is not their responsibility to pass, just as I hope they will think before letting their imaginations fill in the blanks where reason and logic fails.

responsibility for your own actions

2010-02-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

Human nature is a messed up thing.

Believe me, nobody is more of an advocate for the need to honor marriage vows. I love my husband, and aside from the nauseating statistics on failure rates, especially for anyone married at the age I was, I do not look at divorce as an option for me. I had parents who stayed together despite their apparent disinterest in each other, and it was miserable. It started at the beginning, and was left to snowball, and could see how after 40 years, there was little left of a 'marriage' besides obligation. I can understand how people can feel that there is no hope, and no reason to continue. I can also see that there is hope, especially if you never for a second forget that you need to WORK to make it work, and never expect a problem to just go away if you sweep it under the rug.

We look for too many loopholes. Ways out, excuses.

Just like we feel this obsessive need to validate that other people are as fucked up as we are. We make it our business who Angelina Jolie is sleeping with, whether Lindsay Lohan is pregnant or just ate a burger.

Did you know that information of Hilary Duff's engagement to hometown boy Mike Comrie was spread via a creepster taking photos through the window of the hotel as he proposed. How ignorant is that? Their families likely found out from the media. Brutal.

Unfortunately, we still watch, read, and gossip about these things. We don't realize that picking up a magazine, or even clicking on a website puts money in someones pockets, for spying on people.

Don't think for a second that you don't contribute. I learned first hand recently when our town was bombarded with news reporters wanting to speak to anyone who wanted to talk about the death of two little boys in our community. People who had never met them, people who were commenting based on information they read from other newspapers, or gossip they heard. Neither the police, or the family were really talking, everything anyone heard, was here say.

Even our local news channels, operate on the principle of getting the best photo or story at whatever cost, even if it means snapping photos of people without their permission.

Just think about those stories about obesity rates, where they show a public place at waist level, putting anonymous fat asses walking past the camera. How would you feel if that was your ass they were making money from every time someone watched the news, cliked on a link to, or bought a paper?

Anyways, what I am saying is we have created a monster. We have no idea the impact of what we have done.

A great illustration of this would be the drama surrounding Tiger Woods.

He was an ass. His apology, even though it may have sounded like he googled 'stuff to say when you fuck up big time' took some stones to do in respect for his wife and kids.

Who hasn't watched a nauseating chick flick that ends with the lying. cheating lover realizing he would give it all up for the woman he took for granted? Sound familiar? I run a movie store, I know women eat that shit up like chocolate fondue. Not so romantic from this perspective is it?

Bullshit. Now, all anyone wants to talk about is his business.

He doesn't owe me an apology. He owes his wife one. He owes his kids one, and don't think for a second that they will ever let him live it down. He embarrassed them, as well as himself.

Its not my business.

I think instead of focusing so much time and worry on whether he sounded genuine as he spoke to millions of people he has never met, and never will, we should maybe take a look around us, and what we find socially acceptable.

I am pretty sure we have all had a friend or two has cheated, or dated someone who was cheating. Did you speak up? Probably not. I got cheated on for years by an old boyfriend, everyone knew but me.

Have you paid $15 to see a movie about a roller coaster ride of soft core sexual infidelity that works out in the end? Probably.

Have you ever purchased a tabloid mag that contributes to the wealth of celebrities putting them in a position of extreme wealth and temptation? Yah, thought so.

Sooooo...with that said, he shit on the greens, and now he is going to have to pull out a little plastic baggie and scoop it up with his bare hands, and I don't need to see the photos.

Controversy is what I do best.

2010-02-20T09:55:00.000-08:00

I have been making an extra effort lately to keep my opinions to myself, and just let things that I totally felt compelled to voice my opinion on, and didn't.
Honestly, it was really boring.

I didn't have anything to blog about, and to be honest, I now have all these little grudges, that three weeks after the fact, still do bother me, and has bounced around in the old noggin long enough to have festered into some serious spite! I don't know how people do it.

I have found it pretty entertaining lately, especially on facebook, to see how many people are just waiting to go off about something. Its almost like a hobby, trying to provoke a full page response to something I genuinely don't care about in three words or less.

Its like a giant ant farm, a social experiment to observe human nature, and how totally bonkers people go when they are bored. I think I am starting to get the appeal of twitter though...no room for drama!
I am pretty blunt, and can usually sum things up in a couple of sentences. It seems like there are a lot of people who have these little 'grudge zits' that they are just waiting to explode on the first person who comments.

Its great that people are letting out their frustrations, I mean, I do it too....but its sort of pointless when its directed at general internet public, not the people involved. They secretly hope the person they want to hear it does, of course only so they will realize the error of their ways and adjust it accordingly without you ever having that uncomfortable discussion or placement of blame.

E for effort, but we still have along way to go. Embrace the controversy, its sort of like that feeling after you pop a giant zit. It was messy, and hurt a little bit, but all the gross shit is out in the open and the pressure is relieved. A little dab of alcohol afterwards doesn't hurt either.

On that note...I think I might just do another post, all about what seems to be today's 'start an argument' topic, Cheetah Woods. (gimme a break, I'm on cold meds in bed with a sick toddler watching the third straight hour of treehouse)

An ode to sarcasm

2010-02-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

reason #5791988 why I love my husband

Random pointless, yet entertaining conversations like these:

(he walks in the door with a case of bud light lime, I look at him and shake my head)
Him: I knew you would give me the stink eye. I couldn't help it. It was calling my name.
Me: Yeah? Did it sound like this? (insert fruitiest gay flamer voice possible) "HELL-OOOO"
him: that reminds me, I had a dream some gay guy was trying to kiss me.

and

(Olympic skeleton race-which we won gold for....woot! playing in background)
him: do you think I could do that? I bet you I could, It wouldn't be hard for me
me: yes, it would be, because it would be over my dead fucking body.
him: Naw, it might be a bit of a bump, guess it depends how fast I was going.

Stuff I like.

2010-02-09T20:35:00.000-08:00

I do a lot of complaining. So, I think I am regularly going to write a top ten list of stuff I like. Not necessarily in ranking order.

1: Lost. Holy mind screw. I have seen every episode to date and still ask WTF every episode. I also like all the dharma initiative stuff they have, I think I am obsessed

2: the Village Creek Country Inn at Pigeon Lake. Having a girls night there this weekend. Cant wait! It is seriously sooo beautiful, great place to run away for a night, especially in summer. Has a great restaurant and outdoor hot tub. Directly across the street from mini golf, 27 hole golf and tonnes of cute little stores and shops. The price is awesome too, even for a jacuzzi suite.

3: Bitch Bubbly. MMMM! Welcome to my life, new friend. A sweet pink champagne, sustainably harvested vineyards, and a name that calls to me.

4: 'It Works' body wraps. They do not work as drastically as they promote them to do, but they definitely help. Tones up the jiggle after you lose a few lbs or pop out a kid.

5: Baking soda. My newest secret weapon. This week I used it to balance my fish tank PH, wash laundry, exfoliate my face, un-funk my boots, clean the diaper pail, and make cookies. It pretty much does it all.

6: ACNOMEL adult acne cream. They have both a clear spot treatment, and a great skin tone makeup type one. Cheap, generic looking, not something that stands out on the shelf, but totally amazing.

7: German Chocolate Cake. No explanation needed.

8: Cal-Mag supplements for kids. Helps relax them for bed. I took it for restless legs while pregnant, and it worked great. The boy child was waking up every night with nightmares, because he was overtired from screwing around in his room at night. No nightmares since we started giving it to him.

9: Those flick carpet sweeper things. I think they were called 'Hoky's back in the 60's. They are not battery operated or anything, just a brush like on a vacuum that rotates and flips the crud into a tray when you push it along the floor. Swiffer and all those brands make them now, but I got an old school one from the second hand store that is pretty much awesome. Now THAT is an environmentally friendly vacuum!

10: Photoscape. Free downloadable photo editing software. FREE. Google it, that's how I found it. Makes my shitty quality camera pictures look fancy!

My best man

2010-02-04T17:02:00.000-08:00

You might have to swim a few laps and get the big sharpie mark on your shoulder for this one, because we are heading over to the deep end. Its been a pretty heavy week, and I need to rant a little about it.

The past few weeks, I have spent a lot of time processing my interactions with other people.

Greg and I are different. We speak whats on our minds freely. Our lives are so busy and full of good things that we don't have room to push our feelings inside and just hope things will fix themselves. We stare adversity in the face, and do what we have to do to survive.

I respect people for their ability to speak up, and take the steps it takes to get what they want in life, but some times it is difficult for outspoken people to get along, and just agree to disagree.

Most of our friends are pretty anti-conflict, and passive. Don't get me wrong, they are great people, but it seems our lives are growing too far apart to understand.

When I met Greg, I felt so incredibly fortunate that I got along with his friends. I cant even explain what it meant to me that they accepted me as one of the gang, and stood by us as we 'jumped in' to marriage at a statistically disastrous age. My friends, and his friends some how managed to get along great.

Now, the great unknown, is whether the dynamic of the outspoken/passive relationship is doomed to fail, or whether we are just blissfully unaware that we offend people.

Personally, I feel that its a bit of both. The last time I got into a conflict with one of my closest friends, which was both of our faults, I had a full spectrum of faults thrown at me, most of which had been occurring over the course of years. How was I to know I was crossing lines if they were never drawn?

I felt that I was attacked. Told nothing was mentioned because it either wasn't a big enough deal to risk starting an argument. Am I that off the handle? If they are afraid of me, how can we be friends? If not, is it my fault things were left not dealt with?

Even though that particular spat was agreed to disagree, I felt like I could no longer be myself around my friends. Like I have to tread lightly. Do I bite my tongue and pretend everything is fine or do I continue and be the one who bears the blame for any inevitable conflict?

Either way. I feel lonely. We both feel lonely. We had sort of a dry spell in the friend department. Stupid little spats here and there, combined with the insanely busy schedules everyone has had lately, we haven't really seen or heard from many of our friends, and even family members we used to spend lots of time with. It is really sad for us to feel hesitant about calling someone.

We really did get to bond over our realization that we do see each other deal with the same types of conflict, and are there for each other regardless. I consider myself really lucky to have him to make me feel like every decision I make is the right one for me.

I do miss my friends, but I also wonder if it is the friends I miss...or just having friends.

This week, I have spent more one on one intense talking time with some 'mom' friends I haven't talked to in a long time. It felt really really good. I really appreciated it, even though it might just be a short moment where we all need each other for support, and will just go back to our normal independent lives once the 'need' for moral support fades away. It is nice to know the support network is there.

I still don't know where to stand in regards to what makes a friendship, and when it is time to step back, but I am exhausted. Exhausted from thinking, talking, and biting my tongue.

I do enjoy the company, but have lost the will to fight my own impulses, and don't really feel offending anyone with my ways.

Until the day I do, I have my best man, and am learning more and more just how many ways he really is standing beside me, and love every minute of it.

a world wide small town

2010-02-03T11:29:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, a woman from my own town, drown her two little boys in the bath tub.

There is no rationalizing, no understanding, no brushing it off.

How someone who loves her own children, and make no mistake, she did. Anyone who knew her would attest to that. Something snapped, something nobody will ever understand, not even her.

Our community is in utter disbelief, and more tears have been shed for those beautiful children than anyone can comprehend. Mothers, neighbors, children and strangers have all had something taken from their hearts by this news.

News spreads fast, in a small town. I saw the police cars speeding down the street. I stepped outside of my store to see where they were turning, because I have friends working and living nearby. I saw a short news blurb, stating that two bodies were discovered in Millet and an investigation was underway in a home where a family with two small children resided.

Being a mother, my first instinct was to wonder if some poor children were left orphaned, your brain starts running a mile a minute, wondering if it was someone you know, and mine even went as far as to think I would have taken those children into my own home if they were in need.

I kept checking for updates, called a few friends who live around the area I saw the cars head towards, and after a couple hours, had concluded which family home it was.
I waited fearfully for more information, terrified at what the news would reveal.
I knew the family from our local play group. They rented movies at my store.
A good friend of mine was their day home provider.

The reports began to come out, that it was in fact the children.
I don't even need to elaborate on how everyone feels, or why. I assume you got the same feeling in your stomach as I did.
Except at that very moment where I heard the news and broke down on the phone with my husband, a camera man and news reporter walked into the only business open on my block. I lost it. He was quite professional and sympathetic, as he has kids of the same age, but I did not feel comfortable representing the situation I had only heard about through the grapevine.

My heart broke for my friend, who spent just as much, if not more time with the boys than their immediate family. I stopped in at her place with flowers and coffee.

Her own kids had to be pulled from school the next day because the kids were all talking about it, and she was afraid the media would follow her home, or harass them at the school.
She not only is experiencing the loss of children, but she also lost a good friend, their mother.
(Who is still in hospital from injuries she sustained while attempting to take her own life)

She had cameramen looking through her windows, the phone was ringing off the hook, and she had spoken to enough police investigators to want to run away and hide.

I have really developed a distaste for news reporters. Especially after having my picture snapped while leaving something at the growing memorial in the front yard trying to show that poor man who lost his family that our town has come together to make sure the loss was not in vain.

Where do we go from here? Just hearing the story has created a bond between mothers and even strangers everywhere. We look out for each other, and even though there is no real evidence suggesting that it could have been prevented by those around her in terms of mental health, we all feel as if had she just asked us for help we would have done anything within our means.

The same bond that made most of us silently pray that none of our friends were the unnamed victims in the news report.

I hope this bond remains, and continues to remind us all that our children are precious, and that we need to stick together to make sure that nobody else feels alone, or afraid or confused enough to harm themselves, or anyone else.

I do not defend what she did, but find it increasingly sad that she felt the need to take two children from this earth, and attempt to end her own.

Please do not let these boys life be in vain, love with all your heart, be there for your loved ones, and remember the impact even such a short life can have on the world.

ASSBOOK

2010-02-01T14:15:00.000-08:00

have you ever had a favorite shirt, or sweater, then saw someone who really shouldn't even be shopping in the same department as you has squeezed themselves into the same shirt 4 sizes too small?

That's how I am starting to feel about Facebook. Time to pull out the 3 way mirror and take a look at ourselves folks!

I think the concept of a networking for both business and social interest is really awesome.
I have met some great people via FB, even got back in touch with other people I would have sounded like a crazy stalker looking up in the phone book just to say 'Hey, how is life since high school?'

Its like a personalized newspaper, that keeps you up to date about things that actually have some sort of connection to your life. You can place ads, sell your kids old snowsuit, or invite 15 people for dinner without having to buy stamps. Best of all, its free.
Really, we are pretty lucky to have this type of service available for free.
Besides, without facebook, people might actually have to do stuff at work because they don't look busy.

You can delete people who annoy you, without offending anyone, you can politely decline invitations, or RSVP with a click of a button.
Theoretically.
It seems there are people who just do it because everyone else does. Those people...adding stupid applications, filling your feed with annoying crap that you just eventually get sick of blocking from your feed.
There are people who cant say NO to anything, friend requests from people you hate, replying maybe to events they have absolutely no intentions of attending. Afraid to hurt someones feelings.

Here's the thing. If someone sent you an invitation to something, and you don't want to go. Click 'not attending'. Someone might be counting on RSVP's for a reason. If you do not like getting invitations via the internet, then don't respond at all. Chances are that person will call you to see if you got the invite if they really want you there. If they took the time to invite you, be considerate and give an honest answer. Even if that honest answer is that you would rather get a phone or in person invite.

I use the Internet for a lot of things, its cheaper than phone minutes, especially with long distance, its convenient and accessible from all over the world, and for me it is a LOT easier to disguise the fact that I cant have a conversation with anyone without randomly stopping and yelling at my kids. I can run to break up a fight without having to tell someone to hold on, and carry on without forgetting where I was in my train of thought.
Unfortunately, just like driving, its getting to the point where there are too many idiots on the road to enjoy my heated seats.

The worst part is that these annoying offenses are so common place, that I would have to delete most of my closest friends and relatives to get away from it.
Who knows, maybe I am just the jackass, but if everyone just takes the easy road and avoids telling me the truth, I will never know.

Was it something I said? GOOD!

2010-01-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

I am fully aware that I am a loud mouthed ass.

Does that mean automatically that other peoples passive spineless behavior is OK?

Nope. I am doing my part, if I don't like something, and choose to voice my opinion, while you sit there cowering like a cat in the shower, its not my problem.

The Gretz said "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

So, I make a point to be as involved in all things I have invested an interest in. This doesn't mean waiting till the outspoken people leave and having a pity party because you may not agree. Get into it with me, its good for you, and I welcome the debate.

Whats the worst that can happen? Your opinion gets heard and validated? I just don't understand sitting there complaining about how something is turning out, yet not doing anything or telling anyone who is directly involved.

What do you have to lose? Someone might not like you? NORMAL people don't judge you on your opinions, they judge you on how you do or do not voice them. People who judge you based on opinions aren't worth pleasing anyhow.

Don't just sit there biting your tongue and holding a grudge, because we both know you do. You don't lack the capacity to think, you lack the capacity to relay those thoughts, and just letting them fester in your brain is not fair to me, or to you.

Sitting there grumbling inside your head about how things turned out, blaming me because I was the only one who gave their input, doesn't mean it didn't come out your way because of me, IT DIDN'T WORK IN YOUR FAVOR BECAUSE NOBODY KNEW WHAT YOU WANTED.

Don't blame the person who spoke up, blame the one who expected everyone else to just know what they were thinking.

the male 'brain'

2010-01-17T11:14:00.001-08:00

I am pretty lucky, I do have a pretty good man. He is a great father, incredibly patient and supportive even when I am just being a raging bitch. Regardless, he is still a man.

I always joked about about the one reason I could never be a lesbian was because I wouldn't be able to hook up the DVD player.

Little things used to piss me off so bad I wanted to crack his skull open so that I could see what was in there. The fact that I could watch children, television, cook multiple dinner courses and carry on a conversation at the same time, and he was lucky to be able to walk and chew gum without tripping.

Little things like how I had to clean the bathroom, AFTER he cleaned the bathroom. Little things like rubbing my aching back when my pinched nerve acts up, then pawing at my boobs as soon as I am no longer in the fetal position in pain.

The more I see raising my son, the more I realise they just cant help it. That is just the way they operate. There are all sorts of medical facts in their favor. They have less rods and cones in their eyes. they see less detail and color, causing them to dress their kids like circus clowns, and miss 75% of the hair and dust in the bathroom.

Their attention deficit natural tendency to fail miserably at multi-tasking, is actually a survival skill from the hunting and gathering days, being weary of predators and danger.

It's just their nature. That is why us ladies have to be sharp 24-7 (not sure how we got stuck dealing with that, childbirth and PMS, but it happened) Knowing these things does help me to let things slide, and some times helps me explain things from his perspective so he understands them.

We got behind on our LOST episodes, and decided to just wait till the DVD series came out and watch it then. The new season starts right away, so we had to cram a year of episodes into as few days as possible so that we could still make money renting it out at the store before the new season. When you watch that many episodes in 4 days, you start to obsess a little. I am seriously fighting off the urge to print Dharma Initiative labels off and put them on everything in my house.

I got this genius idea to send a fake letter from the future to a good friend of ours who also watches LOST as a gag. I mentioned it to my husband, who loved the idea.

The same dear man who works at a grocery store but regularly forgets to bring home milk. The same dear man who has to phone me at work to find out where the kids mittens are, even though they have been stored in the same place since October. The same man who cant figure out how to wrap a load of laundry in a towel when there are no empty laundry baskets.

I mentioned this to him while we were in bed, half asleep. Normally I can have entire conversations with him that he responds to yet doesn't remember having in the morning.

Today I get a phone call from him at work, with this elaborate plan, including old motor parts and mechanical junk that he is going to send with instructions on how to make a carbon reducing device that will change the world and stop the coming end. I told him I am not paying postage for a prank, or ending up on some government terrorist list for mailing random weird parts with crazy stories about time travel.

He has been thinking about this prank all day. In great detail. He has already put more thought into this stupid joke than he would ever put in for his own kid's birthday party.

It just makes me realise how resourceful they have the ability to be, and how much they play dumb when they aren't really interested in what you need them to do. Just like a renovation project can sit partially done for months or even years because they are 'busy' but if you tell them you called someone else in to do it, they will sacrifice an entire night sleep to finish it immediately.

All they need is a little motivation, maybe if I start hiding porn or beer in the hampers, the laundry might just make it into them.

my just desserts

2010-01-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

I can not even count the number of times my parents told me they hope I have kids ten times worse than me. Oddly enough that wish has come true in a way nobody had imagined.

I am not talking about how my son scooted backwards into the doorway ass up in the air in a dark bathroom so that I walk shin first into a poop smear after calling for me to 'PLEASE WIPE HIS BUTT'

I don't mean how my daughter stuck the styrofoam innards from a Christmas ornament up her nose only to be discovered this morning a week after the Christmas tree has been put away.

(yes, those both happened today)

I am talking about my mother entering the dating scene.

She spent the last 40+ years married to the first man she ever slept with. Got pregnant on her honeymoon with twin boys, and continued to bear a family of six children over a span of those years. (You think the whole 4 weeks pregnant when your period is late is confusing, try explaining it to a man you lost your virginity to two weeks ago)

Bam. Single.

Now I am going to skip all the drama of the situation, the dad dying part, she is a trooper and is doing really well in the grief department, but essentially she spent 40 years waiting hand and foot on the man who makes Archie Bunker and Papa Titus that much more hilarious to me.

Back in her day ladies just held in their farts, and made cookies to impress a man. None of this playing the field and finding yourself stuff. I can not even imagine having to 'start over' at her age. I see single friends now and think just how glad I am that I don't have to deal with the games.

Its hard on so many levels to process. It was scary for her to bring up the topic, even to me, because she is afraid she is doing indignity to my father by considering dating. She actually brought it up that she 'dreamed she was on a date' to gauge my reaction. I was all for it, in fact I was actually already looking through personal ads online to try to introduce her to someone.

Now we have broken that ice, even though she still has not quite made public knowledge to my other siblings. She signed up for an internet dating site.

I got a very cheerful good morning call today, she was on her way to Camrose to meet someone she has been chatting with for a few days.

I hadn't really talked to her for a couple days, last week she kind of got crushed by a guy who seemed too good to be true and turned out to be when his sob story about the 'ill boy he adopted after his wife and biological son died' started to sound like a plea for money. If this douche didn't 'live in L.A.' I would have found him and punched him right in the scammy old man balls.

She sounded excited, and I am excited for her. Its scary, I kind of now get to understand what she must have felt like when I was single and mingling. Not just afraid of the sickos and weirdos out there, but afraid of that she might get hurt.

I actually phoned her a few hours ago because I hadn't heard from her in about 4 hours to tell her I just wanted to make sure she wasn't chopped up in homebody's trunk. (I made sure said it loud enough that anyone around her would have heard it like a big brother in the school yard)

I really want her to get the second chance to live her life. Her relationship with my dad was archaic. They are Catholic, and made each other miserable, but don't believe in birth control or divorce, do the math. She missed out on a lot between never having had that joy of being treated equal by someone who adores you, not to mention spent a lot of years pregnant and raising kids. She did it twice, two sets of three kids with over a decade between. She deserves to find herself and embrace it.

I don't want to have to start interrogating people, but she isn't just a naive teenager who has a lot to learn about the world. She is an adult who has not only been treated unfairly and sacrificed a lot for him, but she also experienced the loss of the only life she knew.

I have to let her do her thing, but at the same time I have to have awkward conversations about how sick the world has gotten, especially with the Internet, and how easy it is for people to lie about who they really are.

At least I don't have to worry about her getting knocked up.

P.M.F'N.S

2010-01-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

For sale: 1 uterus, sligtly used. tested for fertility. Willing to negotiate trade for chocolate and wine.

TMI ALERT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T POOP OR HAVE GIRL PARTS.

I remember when getting my period was just inconvenient because it meant I had to carry tampons around in my pockets at school. I was lucky, totally regular, to the hour, light cramps, almost just a little card from my body telling me to keep up the good work on the birth control front.

Now, I completely understand why many animals eat their own young.

I remember a couple years ago when I asked my hubby to bring home a box of tampons, and he grabbed those little teen sized ones, and I laughed at the poor sweet man as I pictured myself having to bunch four or five of them together to do the job.

I don't even count the days, because I can pretty well tell exactly where I am in my cycle by who I hate, or which pants fit! I have about one and a half weeks of feeling good.

Next comes the week where I hate everyone, progressively from strangers, to husband, followed by kids then myself.

The self loathing is normally linked to the 5 lbs of water (and constipation bloat) I gain the week before I start actually menstruating. Then of course, the great finale, the death-cramps, full intestinal empty day, wear black, and cancel everything today because here comes the tsunami.

The period itself is the easiest part. Especially since I switched to reusable menstrual cups and sea sponges. Cramping is much lighter when your body is not rejecting a dry wad of bleached cotton.

What the hell? Why is it that AFTER we have kids we would suffer worse? I mean, evolutionary, wouldn't it make more sense to give us incentive to get pregnant just to get a 9 month break from the torture? Not to mention that I have had to really work on understanding that I am borderline clinically insane for a couple days a month while I am responsible for two toddlers, and have to try not to blame them.

Poor Greg, I am just starting to notice the pattern now, and he usually is the first one to be in front of the firing squad. I honestly cant even remember the things I was mad at him last week for, but I remember being so angry that I felt like imploding. Then the next day I pretty well had to hide out upstairs doing laundry so that I did not teach the kids all the bad words I wanted to say. I honestly feel like I should be medicated for it!

I tried to go on that pill that you skip like 4 periods in a row, but aside from feeling guilty for putting hormones into my body that I don't really need, the fear of getting pregnant is not there (vasectomized) so I constantly forgot to take my pills. I got a 3 week starting a few days before I left for the holiday I was strategically trying to avoid getting my period during. No Gracias.

I did find an amazing herbal supplement that does help when I have the lighter and jerry can in hand though. After my dad died, a herbalist recommended Ignatia Amara, its kind of a bean like thing. I was obviously pretty emotional, and my stomach was such a mess I was nauseous. I was willing to try pretty well anything at that point, and I did feel better within a few hours, and the nausea never really returned. I wasn't sure if it was placebo, or what, but I kept some in my purse and would take them when I was stressed out, and it really did seem to help.

Both my little sister and I have this weird lung condition that we have literally been rushed to emergency thinking we were having heart attacks with chest pain and difficulty breathing, that lasts for weeks. No tests could confirm what it was, so they just called it anxiety. She actually ended up in the hospital on morphine her first bad attack, and I mentioned that I had not really had any attacks in months, and you would think having lost my dad, and dealing with family drama I would be right up to my ass in stress.

I googled more info about the amara, and it said it is a great treatment for anxiety. I told her to try it, and neither of us have had attacks since.

It also said it was good for PMS. Now that I have figured out the cycle of my mood swings, its easier to keep up with the amara treatment (too much of it and you are wired like a squirrel on meth, spontaneously renovating your bathroom at 3am)

All in all it does help, but I spilled a flask of rum in my purse and now the pellets of it taste weird, so I only take them when I am ready to drive my car into a tree. Unfortunately these are the times when I remember to buy more, and its already too late by then.

I would say I look forward to menopause, but from several of the women in my family circle's behavior, I think I am just going to have to work on turning my basement into a padded cell.

2010-01-06T09:35:00.001-08:00

How do you feel about second hand socks?
I was having a hard time finding a package of brown socks anywhere, I could find some with one or two brown/tan and a bunch of other colors that I didn’t want, but that was it.
I had been looking for a while, white socks just don’t cut it in Chez Peelay.
Normally I make it to the second hand store once or twice a week, that as lame as it sounds is my secret to not shopping at the evil empire walmart. Plus I drop off my consignment store donations there too, might as well go look!
I usually find something I have been looking for, and kind of take an inventory of what is there in case I need something in the future.
For many reasons, I buy as much as I can second hand. Its better for the environment, and plain and simple, our entire society treats too many things as disposable. A really great summary of why is available at http://www.thestoryofstuff.com/ it’s has a few out of context political jabs in it, but overall it is the most straight to the point and informative explanation I have found.
For example, I have two little Kodak point and shoot cameras, that have been repaired several times under warranty, and only after they went out of warranty did I realize it was because we keep getting sand into the little doohickey that makes the lens open and close.
I wanted to get them repaired, because its about $300 worth of Cameras between the two of them. I figured maybe the fine folks at Kodak, or another repair company might be able to piece the two together to make at least one of them work. I was told that it would cost more money to fix it, than to buy a new one.
Out of principle, I don’t want to just toss them in the trash! Yes, they can be recycled and used for parts, but if nobody can afford to fix them, what does that mean? Essentially I now have two expensive pieces of garbage, unless I want to spend $400 to fix them. It doesn’t add up. I paid for those cameras, so someone made money off of me. If I want my cameras to work, and my money not to be lost in vain I have to pay more? My alternative is to just toss them, which again violates my morals, or recycle them to either remain unused due to lack of demand. Unless of course someone repairing cameras uses the parts to make $200 off someone else in a similar situation, that’s my options.
I know, it’s just a camera, but its more the idea of it. It’s not uncommon for us to just buy what the TV tells us the newer better version is what will make our lives complete.
It is all about money! I can buy a new toaster for $13.88, why would I even attempt to have mine repaired? Just how do they make things so cheaply that it is cheaper to manufacture an ENTIRELY NEW one than to use the existing parts and save on resources?
Someone is being exploited, whether it be a laborer, or the land where the raw materials are being extracted. Aside from that, we all share the same air, if we have tons of metal, even tons of toasters that are out of style white sitting at the second hand stores, why should someone else be taken advantage of?
Its just a mindset we need to evaluate. Is it all for show? I like having a nice home as much as the next guy, but where do we draw the line? HGTV tells me my coffee maker is the wrong color so I need a new one? Find a cover for it or move it someplace less noticeable if it bugs you that much.
I used to be really bad for that, I am pretty judgemental about what items make it into my house based on looks, but you would be surprised how many things you can find second hand.
Which brings me back to the socks. It kind of took going over a mental barrier to buy used socks, especially coming from someone with as nasty Ukrainian sweaty feet as me.
But I examined them thoroughly (Picture me hunched over the sock bin sniffing, holding them up to the light, putting my hand into them to check for holes)
Oddly enough, they were all in brand new shape! I usually wear my socks till they have holes, it’s not exactly something you need tailored to your foot. So really, they must have either not fit them, not liked the color, or possibly died or lost a food and didn’t need them anymore. Ok, the last one is a bit dramatic…
Either way, I got a whole stack of brown socks, even a cashmere pair for 99 cents each. Yes, real cashmere socks. If I paid for brand new cashmere socks I would probably be too afraid to wear them and wreck them and they would sit in the sock drawer till I kicked off.
But, for 99 cents, I am going to live large.
Its all about stepping outside of the comfort zone to be the changes we wish to see in the world!
Don’t worry, I still draw the line at used undies and toothbrushes!

Birds

2009-12-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

Birds! I got stupid birds!
WTF is wrong with me?
I have two dogs, and I had two cats (till this summer when I kicked one out for first degree annoying, and the one that I liked died of cancer)
He was a cool cat, thought he was a dog. He honestly had like 2-3 extra toes for each foot. For real, I had to have two removed because his paws were soo massive and cumbersome he could barely walk over to his sister to have sex with her.
Earnest Hemmingway keeps a lineage of cats with the same genetic 'mutation' of awesomeness. He was not like other cats, he did'nt just disembowel birds like most cats, he Leonardo Decaprio style interrogated them with his big opposable thumb hands as he demonstrated in front of our patio doors in plain view of company.
He was a good buddy of mine, and one day he just wasnt his bad ass inglourious basterd self, so I took him to the vet before we lined up for our controversial H1N1 shots, and had to put him down so that he did not suffer. It sucked, and I cried in front of my kids like a child.
My son asked me why I was crying, and got me through the ordeal by offering that himself and his sister would be my cats, proceeded by them crawling around meowing for two days.
It was a sucky day. Ranked right up there with palliative care visits with my own old man.
I knew what was coming, and was angry about it and could do nothing but carry on in spite.
Better to burn out than fade away.
I want my kids to grow up with animals. It's a proven fact that the way people treat animals is a direct correlation between the way the treat morality and life.
Don't get me wrong, I love meat as much as the next guy, but there is a difference between primal instinct to eat and survive, and the inability to revere another life form as a integral part of the circle of life.
I have always had pets, little reptiles, dogs, cats, birds, tarantulas and various lizards.
It teaches a lot about life, death, and everything in between.
My son asked me the other day if we could get new cats because we did'nt have anymore.
Hell NO!
I told him we could get a lizard or spider. Who would have thought BIRDS would be cheaper! Not only that, but they eat seeds, not live revolting insects. (Picture me in a panic vaccuming up 50 live crickets in my son's room because a container of them fell off a dresser and scattered...)
Up until a few days ago, budgies were just something a pet would eat, yet here I am laughing my ass of while my daughter stuffs one into her Dora the explorer hatchback and the other is forced to drive a logging truck.
The best things in life might be free, but the things that entertain them might only cost $30 and eat seeds.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

2009-12-26T15:19:00.000-08:00

Well, that was fun, but I am glad it is over with!
I am a jerk of all trades I tell you!
All the toy packaging is stacked neatly for recycling, the house is in respectable condition, the food was good, and the oodles of toys the kids got loaded up with are all put away neatly in their new designated locations.
I worked till 5pm Christmas Eve, made dinner for seven guests, prepped whatever I could for the big turkey dinner, had the house cleaned up for entertaining and held up the fort. Christmas day I cooked eggs benedict for breakfast while four adults stumbled around in my way figuring out how to operate a new coffee maker, then prepared a huge turkey dinner for 9 people. All that before I had to go to work at 4pm. Not to shabby! (had to stop drinking at lunchtime so I was legal to drive!)
I did come home to a clean kitchen though, thanks whoever did that!
I got home for 7, then had eight more guests (four non RSVP's) and once again watched my house go from tidy to hamster cage complete with shredded paper.
Honestly, I quite enjoyed the couple hours I got to disappear to work for.
The kids are so hopped up on new toy crack that the boy woke up at least 4 times last night crying about toys, and turned down breakfast because he didn't want to stop playing blocks in his bedroom.
Today, being at work with two kids seems like a relaxing day at the beach!
But, I pulled it off like a champ, and nobody got hurt. Food was good, wine was even better.
I have a day off tomorrow, not sure how to process not having something to do!
I am sure I will find some sort of major project to tackle because I can not sit still!

2009-12-22T22:14:00.000-08:00

Wow, I suck. Every year, I tell myself I am not getting the old man a gift, then I do like 4 days before Christmas, and I can hardly keep a secret for like 45 seconds. Serious, I got a few glasses of wine in me and folded like a cheap card table. Dont judge me...it was only concert tickets, and it's just a matter of time before he checks the online banking or finds them in the mailbox.
Today was the first time since vacation I have had a few relaxing glasses of wine since vacation.
I did really good, I seriously gained like 7 lbs of liquor fat from all inclusive 8am-11pm unlimited booze service. I got home devastated by backwards step from progress, and have miraculously settled back into my goal weight zone after PMS subsided.
Ok, so it could be from laying off the sauce, and could be just Aunt Flo's bloat, but whatever, its gone, fat lardy goo under the bridge.
Regardless, I am feeling much better, and have completed reno's to the point where I can sit back and enjoy my surroundings with a nice glass of wine and feel like a big girl, no longer like a college student (ahahaha, like I did anything after high school but have crappy furniture!!) but I felt like one with the cheapest dining table IKEA had to offer. Now I upgraded to the grown up one with the leaf in it!

I did good, faked being in the spirit like sex at the in-laws.

We made it through a full flooring reno with nobody getting a brad nail in the head either.
So far, so good. Gifts wrapped, yes, in newspaper, so shoot me, I think it looks cool, and its free, so get over it.
I set up a tree, and even decorated it with hand made paper origami designs (made of old flyers and mom mags) that I found on the mighty google.
It does look pretty cool.
Not nearly as cool as my Christmas card. Every year I make a fake magazine in lieu of a lame card with fake smiles. This years was particularly awesome, feel free to check it out at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=360777&id=804365051&l=0a741f605d
Yep, as non traditional as I am, and as much flack as I get for it, everyone seems to look forward to them!
Lets see how well my second hand store gifts float!
Seriously, wish me luck, I might just need it!
Have a muchos benos feliz navidad,
eat, drink and be loudmouthed!

XOXO!

ps.... check out my super hot ass in the new issue of MOM mag!!!! wowza!

Gift-Bot 3000

2009-12-17T12:31:00.000-08:00

WOW. A week till Christmas. Hooray! Unfortunately, there is no font for sarcasm.

I can just imagine all the stink eyes I will get for this, but too bad for who-ville...the grinch is in town.

I tried this year, I gave it an honest effort. I really did. Guess my socks are too tight, and there is not quite enough rum in my eggnog.

I even bought a tree from the second hand store, some wreaths and garland, am busting my ass to have renovations done so I can entertain guests for the holidays without carpets that smell like dog ass. I had elaborate plans to make home made tree decorations from recycled junk. I thought for sure, this would be the year I get into the spirit.

Christmas means something different to me, its about getting together with family as a way to remind everyone that we care.

Its sort of a catch 22, we all get so caught up in getting the best gifts, having the best vegas-like light display on our houses, and making the best food and goodies. So caught up in fact that we have no time to remember why we do the things we are doing.

I have refrained from the whole Santa Clause story in my house. The whole concept of creating a fictional character to take credit for the gifts we give each other as a sign of appreciation and love seems pretty backwards to me.

Makes me feel like making up a story about a gift bearing robot who comes out of the toaster from underground where squirrels steal toys from bad kids to give to the good ones on Christmas eve. Why not? If anyone could handle a worlds population of gift delivering it would be a robot, or at least a cyborg of some kind...and who doesnt have a toaster? Lots of kids dont have fireplaces...would explain having one in every mall too.

I get the whole magical element, but realistically, my kids would be happy to get presents regardless. Not to mention that holding it over their heads with the whole naughty or nice thing…Christmas happens anyhow, and I am not a very good liar.

I get all kinds of flack for that, especially from hubby’s side, who has the EXACT same 2 day routine they have had since birth for Christmas, that is very hard to work around when you are the in-law. Especially when there are kids involved, no matter what you do, you are the one ruining traditions and the kids become collateral.

Somehow while I was away on holidays, and the kids stayed with my in-laws, my son came home demanding Santa brings him every toy from every commercial he sees. I was also informed that if we did not have a gift ‘from Santa’ for the kids, one would be brought for them. I watched my son go from excited Grandma and Grandpa were coming for dinner, to gimme gimme gimme.

I am in the middle of some epic emotional warfare.

My side is pretty messed up right now, my dad passed away suddenly just over a year ago, just after all the kids left home, and she has gone from household of 6 kids, to empty nester, to lonely senior instantly.

Its always hard to plan your own routine for holiday celebrations, but try to involve 6 couples, their kids and in-laws. My biggest concern is that my mom doesn’t spend Christmas eve alone because everyone is too busy with their own family units to realise she is being left out. This year it worked out best for me to host my family, and hubby’s so that I can still open my store without having to drive all over the province between Edmonton and Vegreville and back again for for work.

So, like the axe murderer of fun, the Santa hating Grinch has come to stuff all the family traditions into her black hole of a heart cavity.

I invited my family to join us for dinner at my house (this means opening the doors to about 30 people) and drama drama drama.

My offer was declined by my siblings, even though I stated that my reasoning was to make sure mom had company, and that since I was hosting I would be unable to attend a dinner elsewhere. I assume political bullshit is involved, but that’s a whole other story.

Now I am stuck in the middle, none of my family but my mom and grandma are coming, so it makes more sense to let my mother in law have her Christmas back, but that would mean my mom would be alone Christmas eve. Her alternative is to accept a pity invite and go to someone elses in-laws house an hours drive away from her own church where she plans to attend midnight mass, a tradition she has had for years.

Do I split up my family and send daddy and the kids to his side and eat popcorn, drink wine and watch movies with my mom?

It truly is ridiculous.

Everyone is so busy, and tries to 'fit' family in. Honestly, I would be happy with grilled cheese and canned soup if it meant I had more time to spend with my family this year. It broke my spirits, and shoved a lump of coal up my happy place.

But, the presents are bought, the giant box of tree parts are waiting to be assembled, and I look forward to putting it all together with the Greglets, and that will be my fondest Christmas memory, and hopefully the rest goes over and doesn’t end up on an episode of Jerry Springer.

Vacation Vicki

2009-12-05T07:01:00.000-08:00

Buenos Dias!
Today, I write from the beautiful coast of Mazatlan Mexico!
Many people don't know this, but I have an alter ego, Vacation Vicki, also known as Mrs. Peelay. (common Spanish mispronunciation of my last name that sounds far cooler than the real thing)

Vacation Vicki is a pretty fun chick to hang around with! I always wish my friends could come on a trip with us, its like a flashback to before I had kids, except with slightly saggier boobs.

She is particularly fun this trip because not only did she manage to blow past her goal on that last 10 lbs and now looks wicked hot in her 22kgs of cute outfits that will cost $25 extra to get on to the plane home, but she had a major computer crash at the video store the day before she left. Imagine the horror when your database of thousands of DVD’s poops out, I was a disaster, but managed to find a fantastic tech who did his computerlating magic and retrieved everything from the crashed drive. A few hundred dollars of tech support and a new computer later, and it was margarita time.

We leave our kids at home for a trip once a year, we don’t buy each other Christmas, birthday or anniversary gifts, we just save up money for a vacation and go someplace on a last minute sale and send the kids to the MIL’s!
Right now, I am waiting for my husband to wake up and shake off his Captain Pukey hat so we can go sit in the sun and play in the sand.

That’s what we do, we build sandcastles. Lame? Maybe. We just aren’t the type of people who can just sit and do nothing, even on holidays, so we play in the sand like children till I get that wicked tankini gap tan line above your ass that makes you look like a dork for months.

We went out last night for dinner at the resort and one large margarita the size of my head, a bottle of champagne and several beers, and one broken glass later we decided to go for a ‘drunk walk’ (one of Vacation Vicki’s favorite passtimes) and happened to find an unlocked gate for the marina full of yachts worth more than my house.
We were just wandering around laughing at the boat names, and taking pictures of ourselves doing dumb things, and ended up meeting some crazy Aussie nomad (ex corporate suit who told the world to F.O) and a couple of guys our age whom met during their travels and are now sailing south together along the coast. We sat around shooting the shit on their boat, then once the captain decided to call it a night the four of us kids decided to go to a club in town for some drinks.
We ended up not going to the tourist club, instead we ended up at the trendy club the locals go to being pretty well the only non Mexicans there.
It was fun, I danced all night, most likely getting laughed at for dancing like a white girl, but I didn’t care, it was a good time.

There really aren’t many young people in this resort, which is refreshing, seeing most of our friends our age are all newlyweds without kids and we seem like the old married farts. We feel like the young hipsters here, even with my plastic travel mug (hey...whatever, its enviro friendly AND keeps your sangria cool when it’s scorching hot outside!)

Speaking of old farts, I have given old man Peelay enough sleeping it off time, and am going to go drag his sorry hungover ass out of bed and find us a greasy breakfast.

Hasta luego, enjoy your snowstorm!

bloggerrhea

2009-11-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

I think the lack of chocolate and champagne in my diet is starting to get to me.
It’s a catch 22…I leave for holidays in 7 days, and have had this ‘last ten pounds’ that I have been yo-yoing with for the last year that I have resolved to stop pussyfooting around and kick to the curb.

I know people are trying to be helpful, and are worried that I am being too hard on myself because I am smaller than most of my mom friends, and I should just be happy how I am.

That right there is a recipe for disaster.

My biggest pet peeve is people who complain, but don’t do anything about it. I like to complain, don’t get me wrong, but the LAST word that can be used to describe me is unmotivated. I do my bitching mostly because it’s easier to sort through your own thoughts after you have said them out loud.

Weight loss is tough, for many reasons. Number one being food and naps are good. It’s hard to eat right when your kids want peanut butter and jam or fries and nuggets for every meal. It’s also hard to feel motivated to go to the gym when you are exhausted from yelling and chasing kids all day.

The less you have to lose, the harder. The smaller you are, the harder it is to lose weight in a healthy way. I know this because I lost 65lbs after having my son. I’m not talking including the kid, I mean like starting dieting 3 months after having him till I got back to my pre-baby weight. I did it in three months, but it has taken me over a year to lose the full 35 I gained with my daughter.

I seem to be one of the few people who can stick to a diet and make it work. I see a lot of friends become frustrated and give up saying nothing works for them. Not to mention that like 75% of my friends think ordering a bagel with cream cheese and a half fat latte is ‘dieting’. (you could have a cheeseburger happy meal for less calories)

Weight then gets put onto the back burner, and covered up with excuses about being big and beautiful and whatever else. It may be true in some cases if you are genuinely happy about your shape, but it’s not a ticket to let yourself go slowly. I personally have sciatic nerve issues, and being much heavier than I am now increases my pain level drastically. Not to mention I love my clothes and want to be able to wear them regardless of whether I have pooed in the last couple days or not.

I am not looking to be a size zero, I feel best around a 7, and that’s not really a reckless goal. I am pretty close right now, and losing ten and keeping it off is not easy to do. I regularly fluctuate 5-10lbs throughout my menstrual cycle, which right now can mean the difference between a size 8 or a 9. I would like to at least keep it to one size fitting tight or snug without having to buy a new wardrobe.

I have been a good girl, I have been religious about this diet, and even turned down two weekends of drinks with friends so that I could be faithful to my plan. I felt so good in fact that I went out and bought myself some pretty panties, not just ones that come in a package of 6, real pretty ones that I picked out myself.

I feel really good, but I am still about 4 lbs away from my goal. Seems like a drop in a bucket, but its out of principle, I am not caving till I am done, regardless of how hot my ass looks in these lacy knickers. So stop pissing in my lean cuisines and save your positive reinforcement for your own goals.

not soo slacking at work

2009-11-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

I am beginning to think there is crack in the water here. My kids are freaks!
Maybe its the giant power lines we live under. I never really bought into that before.
Good thing I am the boss, because I can’t seem to get my ass out the door for work on time to save my life.
I take my kids to work with me, it's was my brilliant plan to be able to have an income since for some dumb naive reason I decided to have my kids as close together as possible. I didn’t want to put my son into daycare, I am too much of a control freak, and I would go absolutely husband murdering crazy if I stayed at home.
My husband works together with his brother, and parents running the local grocery store and well...lets just say I don’t work well with in-laws...so that was out of the question, and at the time, we were struggling hard to make ends meet, even though I made a pretty decent wage selling cell phones in Leduc to riggers and their rich bitch wives and got half decent maternity checks from my first kid, taking away an income was not an option.

Running a small business often gets to the point where you stop and think yeah, the money is okay, but is it worth being on call 24-7 when someone gets sick, something breaks, and a plethora of other random events?

At this point Greg, my hubby had come to the realization that no matter how hard he worked, and how many hours he put in, it would still be a family business. It would always be his parents, brother and him. It would never be HIS business, and even though he takes pride in doing a good job at everything he does, it seemed that as OUR family grew, meaning having a wife and children, he had more invested into the business. Leaving his wife and baby in the middle diner because something went wrong at the store, made his time worth more than he was making. We started searching for a way out, we were thinking of getting out of town altogether.
Change of scenery, change of pace, something we could call our own.

We looked at a small general store in New Sarepta, and almost bought it (sorry Randy from Remax for bailing last minute) but I was looking through the bargain finder for a new car, and just happened to see an ad for the video store, right here in Millet!
So, we bought it. It was perfect, we had bought our house at the perfect time, the lowest point in the market before it inflated, so moving would have meant we would have to spend like two to three times what we paid for our home. This meant we wouldn’t have to move, and Greg talked to his parents about a raise, and here we are.
I built a playpen area for the kids, have all the gear you can imagine, from potties to playpens and both of my kids have spent most of their lives here with me 5 days a week. It’s a routine now.

Today. I packed what little food I could find to take to lunch. Yes, my husband works at a grocery store, and we had about 7 frozen chicken nuggets and some Halloween candy in our kitchen. I filled up their sippy cups, and got everything ready to drag to the car, put their coats and shoes on, ran upstairs to get a stack of clean diapers, and got back down, the kids had their coats and one shoe each off, and had sucked their cups of milk dry.
I now had 3 minutes to get them into the car, refill the cups, and get into work. Not gonna happen.
I finally got there, 10 minutes late, got them all set up, put on the backyardigans, and started to get to work.
They took all the toys out of the toy box, which kept them busy long enough for me to get the movies returned overnight away, then they started asking for lunch. I cooked the 7 chicken nuggets in the toaster oven, and sat down to catch up on my internet-ly duties while I made sure nobody started finger painting with their ketchup.
All hell broke loose, and this partially written blog sat open on my desktop.

In the last three months, my one and a half year old daughter has learned how to scale walls, playpens, furniture and any other obstacle you may try to contain her with.
This has made nap time pretty much out of the question.
Today, they have been particularly psycho, so I convinced her that her bunny really needed a nap and was afraid of the stuffed banana man in the playpen, so she had to have a nap with them to make sure they were ok.
It worked. I was 7 minutes into silence, and then….
“Mom, I have to poop.”
(Enter three year old son)
“Of course you do, because your sister just fell asleep. Go, be extra quiet when you go into the back room, I will be there to help in a minute.”
About 12 seconds later:
“MOM! WIPE MY BUTT!”
Which was followed shortly after by a little voice talking to a stuffed bunny.

I have now accomplished very little ‘work’ stuff, and spent most of the day yelling at kids not to eat that, touch that, hit anybody with that, etc.

But, I did manage to finish this about three hours later. Next time I will play around with the colors and fonts....

losing my bloginity

2009-11-25T20:51:00.000-08:00

This is exciting! My very own blog!
Now what?
I didn't know how to start this! I have joked about doing doing this before, but never really got around to doing it. I have often in conversations with friends discussed how our random daily events would likely be entertaining for a fly on the wall.
Not that my life is that exciting, I guess for the most part I am pretty normal, but I think my no holds barred approach to things makes me see the humor in life and helps me point it out to others.
I talk a LOT, yes, I am aware of it. Its not like I expect people to take what comes out of my mouth as the path to truth, or that I am looking for sympathy, or gratification, I just talk because I enjoy discussing and debating all the zillions of things running through my mind.

Ever since I was a kid, my mouth got me into shit. Funny how that works, you get flack for most of your childhood for challenging authority, but then are encouraged to do it as an adult. Eventually my family and teachers just accepted that just because I wasn't following their instructions, didn't mean I wasnt learning, or thinking about what I was doing.

I cant shut my brain off. You think I am loud, you should hear it in here! *taps coconut*
Since having kids, It got even worse. I lost any inhibitions I had about voicing my opinions.

I don't have time to stand around waiting for other people to figure out what I think and play games, so I speak my mind freely, even if it means I have to piss a few people off, eventually they will get smacked in the head by reality and get over it.
I call it my 'Mommy Mouth'
Not in a jackass way, like 'that friend' who is rude to a server when you go for dinner because they only have bacardi rum and you wanted the captain, I am generally pretty respectful unless provoked.

I talk about poop too much though. I am not really embarrassed easily, and dont really have any taboo subjects I wont discuss. Somehow with having kids or pets, shit becomes a pretty integral part of your day. You would be more of a freak if you didnt do it, more so than people would think you are for talking about it. I think people like that they can talk about pretty much anything with me, I usually make a jackass out of myself before anyone else can, which makes for a pretty good ice breaker. If you cant handle talk about body functions, whether they be reproductive, or digestive, you might not want to read much further, because that stuff comes up regularly in my conversations.

I am a google mom...I google everything. I am like a giant pillar of useless knowledge. Seriously, I dont read lame romance vampire novel crap, or self help guru bullshit, I google stuff. Knowing as much as you can about everything makes it a lot easier to be spontaneous.

Anyhooters, thats about enough about me for tonight, my offspring have stopped yelling at eachother from their beds, the basset hound cleaned the kitchen floor, and its almost time to watch Cougar Town (I KNOW!! How bullshit is it that Courtney Cox is that freaking hot after popping out kids??? I secretly hope she has a tail, or even a tiny Lady Gaga penis)

Buenos noches!